John C. Reilly

John C. Reilly

  • Highest Rated: 93% Stan & Ollie (2019)
  • Lowest Rated: 11% Holmes and Watson (2018)
  • Birthday: May 24, 1965
  • Birthplace: Chicago, Illinois, USA
  • One of the screen's most versatile and woefully under-appreciated character actors, John C. Reilly has appeared in a series of films united only in their complete lack of similarity. To date, he has been used most intelligently by director Paul Thomas Anderson, who has cast him in Hard Eight, Boogie Nights, and Magnolia.A native of Chicago, where he was born May 24, 1965, Reilly broke into film in 1989, the year he starred in Casualties of War and We're No Angels, both of which featured Sean Penn and a less than stellar reception. Reilly subsequently spent the early '90s appearing in films of every conceivable genre, from the Tom Cruise testosterone extravaganza Days of Thunder (1990) to Woody Allen's Shadows and Fog (1992) to What's Eating Gilbert Grape (1993). Thanks to his unglamorous appearance, Reilly also did an obligatory turn as a backwoods psycho, popping up alongside Kevin Bacon in The River Wild (1994) long enough to freak out Meryl Streep and her family.1996 marked the beginning of Reilly's collaboration with director Anderson. That year, he starred as a none-too-bright loser stranded in Vegas in Hard Eight, Anderson's feature-length directorial debut. Reilly earned wide praise for his work in the film, which went largely unseen by audiences. The same couldn't be said of Reilly and Anderson's second collaboration, Boogie Nights, the following year. One of the most critically lauded films of 1997, it featured Reilly as another loser, a dim porn actor with dreams of becoming a magician/songwriter.Thanks to the film's success, Reilly finally earned a bit of long-overdue recognition, as was evidenced by his subsequent casting in Terrence Malick's adaptation of The Thin Red Line (1998). The actor's visibility further increased the following year, thanks to prominent roles in no less than four films. One of these was Magnolia, Anderson's follow-up to Boogie Nights. Like his previous film, Magnolia boasted a large ensemble cast of first-rate actors; among them, Reilly stood out as a lonely police officer who becomes involved with an emotionally unstable woman.With his career continuing to build momentum, Reilly was next cast alongside George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg in the 2000 big-budget adaptation of the best-selling book The Perfect Storm. However, his biggest year to date came in 2002. Not only could Reilly be seen in prominent roles in four high-profile films, but his scene-stealing turn in the musical Chicago netted him his first Academy Award nomination. Riding high on his escalating stardom, Reilly spent 2003 hard at work on three big releases, The Aviator, Dark Water, and Criminal. Of Reilly's 2004 projects, Criminal arrived first - in September of that year. A remake of the late Argentinian director Fabian Bielinsky's debut crime, the American version tells the story of a couple of scammers (Reilly and Diego Luna) who con members of the Beverly Hills upper-crust, the picture (brought to fruition by Steven Soderbergh) received average to positive reviews. On the enthusiastic end, The Los Angeles Times's Carina Chocano called the picture "funny, original and very well observed," and The Philadelphia Inquirer's Carrie Rickey remarked, "Gregory Jacobs' zircon remake of that glowing Argentine gem Nine Queens is the film equivalent of Chinese boxes or Russian matrushka dolls. If you've never played with them before, then there's a prize inside for you." Less enthused was The Charlotte Observer's Lawrence Toppmann, who compared the film somewhat unfavorably to its original: "a watered-down version of the same pleasures." Issued in December 2004, Martin Scorsese's The Aviator fared immeasurably better (with critics and at the box) and left in its wake the most enduring legacy of Reilly's 2004 efforts. As Noah Dietrich, the individual who manages Howard Hughes's (Leonardo di Caprio) business affairs, Reilly contributed to a strong ensemble cast that included Cate Blanchett and the splendid Alan Alda. Dark Water, Walter

Photos

Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

Movies

Rating

Title

Credit

Box
Office

Year

93% Stan & Ollie Oliver Hardy 2019
11% Holmes and Watson Dr. Watson 2018
88% Ralph Breaks the Internet Ralph 2018
87% The Sisters Brothers Producer Eli Sisters 2018
78% The Little Hours Father Tommasso $1.7M 2017
75% Kong: Skull Island Hank Marlow $168M 2017
72% Sing Eddie $270.4M 2016
82% Les Cowboys L'Américain 2016
88% The Lobster Lisping Man $9.1M 2016
83% Tale of Tales (Il racconto dei racconti) King of Longtrellis 2016
83% Entertainment John $56K 2015
91% When Marnie Was There Kiyomasa Oiwa $0.5M 2015
No Score Yet Border Guards Actor 2015
44% Life After Beth Maury Slocum 2014
91% Guardians of the Galaxy Rhomann Dey $270.6M 2014
91% Disneynature Bears Narrator $17.8M 2014
No Score Yet The 78 Project Movie Actor 2014
87% Wreck-it Ralph Wreck-It Ralph $189.5M 2012
57% The Dictator Actor $57.8M 2012
75% We Need to Talk About Kevin Franklin $1.8M 2012
71% Carnage Michael Longstreet $2.3M 2011
87% Terri Mr. Fitzgerald $0.5M 2011
86% Cedar Rapids Dean Ziegler $6.9M 2011
No Score Yet Fight For Your Right Revisited Mike D (B-Boys 2) 2011
No Score Yet Talladega Nights Quote-along Actor 2011
42% The Extra Man Gershon $0.5M 2010
80% Cyrus John $7.5M 2010
38% Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant Larten Crepsley $13.9M 2009
57% 9 #5 $31.7M 2009
No Score Yet Green Team Actor 2008
55% Step Brothers Dale Doback $100.5M 2008
53% The Promotion Richard $0.4M 2008
74% Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story Dewey Cox $18.4M 2007
69% Year of the Dog Al $1.5M 2007
53% Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny Sasquatch $8.2M 2006
71% Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby Cal Naughton Jr. $148.3M 2006
82% A Prairie Home Companion Lefty 2006
47% Dark Water Mr. Murray $25.5M 2005
No Score Yet Are You the Favorite Person of Anybody? Actor 2005
86% The Aviator Noah Dietrich $102.6M 2004
69% Criminal Richard Gaddis $0.8M 2004
42% Anger Management Arnie Shankman $133.8M 2003
86% Chicago Amos Hart 2002
80% The Hours Dan Brown $41.5M 2002
73% Gangs of New York Happy Jack Mulraney $77.7M 2002
82% The Good Girl Phil $13.8M 2002
61% The Anniversary Party Mac Forsyth $3M 2001
47% The Perfect Storm Dale `Murph' Murphy 2000
83% Magnolia Jim Kurring 1999
45% For Love of the Game Gus Sinski 1999
55% Never Been Kissed Gus 1999
No Score Yet The Settlement Pat 1999
80% The Thin Red Line Sgt. Storm 1998
50% Chicago Cab Steve 1998
28% Nightwatch Insp. Bill Davis 1998
No Score Yet Hellcab Actor 1998
93% Boogie Nights Reed Rothchild 1997
15% Boys Officer Kellogg Curry 1996
83% Hard Eight John Finnegan 1996
80% Georgia Herman 1995
84% Dolores Claiborne Constable Frank Stamshaw 1995
56% The River Wild Terry 1994
90% What's Eating Gilbert Grape Tucker Van Dyke 1993
52% Hoffa Pete Connelly 1992
No Score Yet Out on a Limb Jim Jr. 1992
50% Shadows and Fog Cop at Police Station 1992
84% State of Grace Stevie 1990
39% Days of Thunder Buck Bretherton 1990
84% Casualties of War PFC Herbert Hatcher 1989

TV

Rating

Title

Credit

Year

No Score Yet The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
2015
Guest
  • 2018
No Score Yet The View
1997
Guest
  • 2018
No Score Yet Stone Quackers
2014-2015
Voice
  • 2015
  • 2014
No Score Yet Late Show With David Letterman
1993-2015
Guest
  • 2014
  • 2013
No Score Yet Chelsea Lately
2007-2014
Guest
  • 2014
  • 2012
No Score Yet Conan
2010
Guest
  • 2014
  • 2012
  • 2011
No Score Yet The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
1992-2014
Guest
  • 2012
  • 2004
  • 2002
100% Funny Or Die Presents
2010-2011
Appearing
  • 2011
  • 2010
No Score Yet Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
2009-2014
Guest
  • 2011
  • 2010
No Score Yet The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
1999-2015
Guest
  • 2010
95% Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job!
2007-2010
Appearing Guest Performer Dr. Steve Brule
  • 2010
  • 2009
  • 2008
  • 2007
No Score Yet The Ellen DeGeneres Show
2003
Guest
  • 2009
31% The Jay Leno Show
2009-2010
Guest
  • 2009
85% The Simpsons
1989
Voice
  • 2008
No Score Yet Saturday Night Live
1975
Host Performer
  • 2006
No Score Yet The Henry Rollins Show
2006-2007
Guest
  • 2006
100% Wonder Woman (1976)
1975-1979
Skye
  • 1978

QUOTES FROM John C. Reilly CHARACTERS

David
I've got good news. I've had a great idea.
Short Sighted Woman
What kind of idea?
Lisping Man
I raise my left foot. I bring my elbow to my knee and tap it twice, I bring my foot to my knee and tap it three times. I lie face down, I kneel down. I touch my left cheek and then lie face up.
Short Sighted Woman
Are you sure you're prepared to do that
Dale Doback
Haha,That's so funny the last time I heard that, I laugh so hard I fell off my dinosaur!
Dale Doback
Haha, that's so funny the last time I heard that, I laugh so hard I fell off my dinosaur!
Wreck-It Ralph
I'm gonna shrek it!
Wreck-It Ralph
No cuts, no buts, no coconuts?
Drax the Destroyer
What if someone does something that irks me and I decide to remove his spine?
Rhomann Dey
That's... that's actually... murder. One of the worst crimes of all, so... also illegal.
Drax the Destroyer
Hmm.
Rhomann Dey
Your criminal records have also been expunged. However, I have to warn you against breaking any laws in the future.
Rocket Raccoon
Question. What if I see something that I wanna take and it belongs to someone else?
Rhomann Dey
Then you will be arrested.
Rocket Raccoon
But what if I want it more than the person who has it?
Rhomann Dey
Still illegal.
Rocket Raccoon
That doesn't follow. No, I want it more, sir. Do you understand me? [to Gamora] What are you laughing at? What? I can't have a discussion with this gentleman?
Rocket Raccoon
That doesn't follow. No, I want it more, sir. Do you understand me? What are you laughing at? What? I can't have a discussion with this gentleman?
Wreck-It Ralph
I'm not from the candy tree department.
Vanellope von Schweetz
Lying to a child shame on you Ralph!
Rhomann Dey
This might not be the best idea.
Wreck-It Ralph
I am bad and that is good, I will never be good and that's not bad, there's no one I'd rather be than me
Rhomann Dey
They call themselves the Guardians of the Galaxy.
Rhomann Dey
Nova Corps Officer: What a bunch of a-holes.
Dale Doback
Dad, I'm doing this because I love you. Fuck you.
Dr. Robert Doback
Anything else?
Dale Doback
No, bon voyage! Have a great time!
Dale Doback
It was the Asbestos in the house, that's what did it!
Wreck-It Ralph
i'm bad and thats good
Wreck-It Ralph
I'm bad and that's good.
Michael Longstreet
Penelope, what happened to your sense of humor?
Penelope Longstreet
I don't have a sense of humor, and I don't want one!
Rhomann Dey
There is this one group known as The Guardians of the Galaxy.
Wreck-It Ralph
I know, I know. I'm an idiot.
Vanellope von Schweetz
And?
Wreck-It Ralph
And a real numbskull.
Wreck-It Ralph
A selfish Diaper baby.
Wreck-It Ralph
A stinkbrain?
Vanellope von Schweetz
The stinkiest brain ever.
Michael Longstreet
You certainly perked up since you tossed your cookies!
Wreck-It Ralph
It's kind of hard to do your job when nobody likes you for doing it.
Michael Longstreet
What happened to your sense of humor?
Penelope Longstreet
I don't have a sense of humor and I don't want one!
Wreck-It Ralph
I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me.
Wreck-It Ralph
Because if that little kid likes me, how bad can I be?
Vanellope von Schweetz
Hey, why are your hands so freakishly big?
Wreck-It Ralph
I don't know. Why are you so freakishly annoying?
Wreck-It Ralph
I guess it turns out that I don't really need a medal to prove that I'm a good guy & if that little girl likes me, how bad can I be?
Wreck-It Ralph
I guess it turns out that I don't really need a medal to prove that I'm a good guy and if that little girl likes me, how bad can I be?
Darren Shan
Can I, like, turn into a bat and stuff?
Larten Crepsley
No. That's bullshit.
Dale Doback
you and your mom are hill-billy's. This is a house of learning doctors.
Dale Doback
You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learning doctors.
Brennan Huff
you're not a doctor. you're a big fat curly headed fuck.
Brennan Huff
You're not a doctor. You're a big fat curly-headed fuck.
King Candy
It's game over for both of you.
Wreck-It Ralph
No, just for me!.
Dale Doback
I am warning you, if you touch my drums, I will stab you in the neck with a knife.
Brennan Huff
Hey Derek, you know what's good for shoulder pain?
Derek
What?
Brennan Huff
If you lick my butt-hole.
Dale Doback
Snap!!!
Dale Doback
Snap!
Vanellope von Schweetz
You could just live up in the castle, you'd have a home where you'll be respected. You could be happy.
Wreck-It Ralph
I'm already happy, I got the coolest job in the world! It may not be as fancy as being president, but I have a duty, a big duty!
King Candy
Welcome to Boss level!
Wreck-It Ralph
Turbo...
Wreck-It Ralph
Turbo.
King Candy
Because of you Ralph, I'm the most powerful virus in the arcade! I can take over any game i want! I should thank you.. But it'd be more fun to kill you!
Wreck-It Ralph
I am bad and that's good, I will never be good and thats not bad, theres no one I would rather be than me.
Officer Jim Kurring
What the hell is this, Marcie?
Wreck-It Ralph
It turns out I don't need a medal to be a good guy, 'cause if that little kid loves me, how bad can I be.
Wreck-It Ralph
Turns out I don't need a medal to tell me I'm a good guy, because if that little kid likes me, how bad can I be?
Wreck-It Ralph
There's no one I'ld rather be than me.
Wreck-It Ralph
Hey cough drop! Explain something to me. If Vanellope was never a racer, then why is her picture on the side of the game console?
Wreck-It Ralph
All right, Gene, you know what? I'm gonna win a medal! Oh, I am gonna win a medal. The shiniest medal this place has ever seen. A medal that will be so good, that it'll make all of Felix's medals wet their pants!
Wreck-It Ralph
I am bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad.
Wreck-It Ralph
I am bad and that's good. I will never be good and that's not bad.
Vanellope von Schweetz
Sweet mother of monkey milk, I found a gold coin!
Wreck-It Ralph
No, don't even think about it! Thats mine!
Wreck-It Ralph
I have never been more serious in my whole life.
Wreck-It Ralph
I wonder how many licks it would take to get to your centre...
Wreck-It Ralph
I wonder how many licks it would take to get to your center?
Wreck-It Ralph
I see you're a fan of pink...
Wreck-It Ralph
I see you're a fan of pink.
Wreck-It Ralph
Oh, I'll just magically win the race...just because I really want to!
Wreck-It Ralph
Oh, I'll just magically win the race just because I really want to!
Vanellope von Schweetz
I am a racer! I can feel it in my code!
Wreck-It Ralph
It's that candy racing game over by the whack-a-mole...
Wreck-It Ralph
It's that candy racing game over by the whack-a-mole.
Dewey Cox
Edith, I am starting to think... that maybe you don't believe in me.
Edith
I do believe in you. I just know you're gonna fail.
Paul McCartney
We're nothing but... grains of sand.
Dewey Cox
That was freakin' transcendental, Paul McCartney. Don't you agree, John Lennon?
John Lennon
Yes, Dewey Cox. With meditation there's no limit to what we can... [glares at the camera] *imagine*.
Edith
What about my dreams?
Dewey Cox
Edith I told you I can't build your candy house! It will fall apart, the sun will melt the candy, it won't work!
Wreck-It Ralph
I'm Gonna Wreck-It!
Dale Doback
OK on the count of three name your favourite dinosaur, don't even think about it just do it. 1, 2, 3
Brennan Huff
Philosoraptor
Brennan Huff
Philosoraptor.
Dale Doback
Philosoraptor
Dale Doback
Philosoraptor.
Brennan Huff
Favourite non-pornographic magazine to masturbate to.
Dale Doback
Good Housekeeping
Dale Doback
Good Housekeeping.
Brennan Huff
Good Housekeeping
Brennan Huff
Good Housekeeping.
Brennan Huff
If you were a chick who's the one guy you'd sleep with?
Dale Doback
John Stamos
Dale Doback
John Stamos.
Brennan Huff
John Stamos
Brennan Huff
John Stamos.
Dale Doback
Dad please shut up
Brennan Huff
PLEASE SHUT UP!
Wreck-It Ralph
You must really like pink...
Wreck-It Ralph
I see you're a fan of pink.
King Candy
Did he really say pink, I believe its salmon right?
King Candy
Salmon, actually. It's Salmon.
Wreck-It Ralph
I was GOING to get my medal and go until your little children of the candy corn made off with it!
King Candy
Children of the candy corn?
Wreck-It Ralph
[to Vanellope] See ya later, 'President Fart-feathers'.
Vanellope von Schweetz
[to Ralph] Au revior, 'Admiral Underpants'.
Vanellope von Schweetz
[to Ralph] Au revoir, 'Admiral Underpants'.
Wreck-It Ralph
And farewell, 'Verminous Booger-face!'
Vanellope von Schweetz
Goodbye, 'Major Body Odor!'
Wreck-It Ralph
Hasta la vista ya-
Fix-It Felix Jr.
Ralph?!
Wreck-It Ralph
Alright, to be continued!
Vanellope von Schweetz
I bet you really gonna watch where you step in a game called Hero's duty[Vanellope Laughs] What's you win a medal for wiping? I hope you washed your hands after you handled that medal.
Wreck-It Ralph
Listen, I'm gonna!
Vanellope von Schweetz
Hang on, hang on, why did the hero flushed the toilet?... say why.
Wreck-It Ralph
why.
Vanellope von Schweetz
Because it was his duty!
Wreck-It Ralph
How dare you insult Hero's Duty you little gar snipe! I earned that medal! you better give it back to me two tweet sister!
Wreck-It Ralph
How dare you insult Hero's Duty you little gutter snipe! I earned that medal! you better give it back to me toot sweet! gutter snipe' and "toot sweet"
Wreck-It Ralph
How dare you insult Hero's Duty you little gutter snipe! I earned that medal! You better give it back to me toot sweet!
Vanellope von Schweetz
What are you looking at?
Wreck-It Ralph
You're welcome, rotten little thief.
Vanellope von Schweetz
I'm not a thief!, I just burrowed your stupid coin, i was gonna give it back to you as soon as I win the race.
Wreck-It Ralph
It's not a coin, it is a medal.
Vanellope von Schweetz
Coin medal whatever just go back to your own dumb game ad win another one.
Wreck-It Ralph
I can't, I didn't win it in my game, I won it in Hero's Duty.
Vanellope von Schweetz
Hero's Duty? [Vanellope Chuckles]
Wreck-It Ralph
I'm Bad, and that's good, I will never be good and that's not bad, there's no one Id rather be...than me.
Wreck-It Ralph
I can be a good guy if I wanted to be one.
Wreck-It Ralph
I don't wanna be the bad guy anymore.
Wreck-It Ralph
See you later 'President Fartfeathers'.
Wreck-It Ralph
Hey yo, everybody!
Al
Accidents can happen. That's why I never keep guns in my house.
Peggy
That's good.
Al
Just knives.
Vanellope von Schweetz
You know you can just stay here and live in the castle. You'd have your own wing where no one would ever complain about your stench and treat you bad ever again. You could be happy.
Wreck-It Ralph
I'm already happy. I got the coolest friend in the world. And besides, I got a job to do, it may not be as fancy as being president; but it's my duty. And it's a big duty!
Wreck-It Ralph
Your a winner!
Vanellope von Schweetz
I'm a winner!
Wreck-It Ralph
And your adorable!
Vanellope von Schweetz
I'm adorable!
Sergeant Calhoun
It's make your momas proud time.
Wreck-It Ralph
I love my momma!
Wreck-It Ralph
What's going on in the candy coated heart of darkness?
Wreck-It Ralph
Pac-Man? They invited Pac-Man!
Wreck-It Ralph
Sayonara, Suckers!
Wreck-It Ralph
Sayonara, suckers!
Wreck-It Ralph
No cuts. No butts. No coconuts.
Wreck-It Ralph
I am bad and that's good. I will never be good and that's not bad. There is no one I would rather be than me.
Dale Doback
Dad, it's Shark Week!
Wreck-It Ralph
So, I'm happy to report, and you'll be happy to hear, I'm taking life one game at a time. Of course the job hasn't changed... But, newsflash, the Nicelanders are being nice to me. And, you know, that got me thinking about those poor guys left without a game. So, here's what we did: we asked them to help us out on the bonus level. I'm telling you guys, we haven't been this popular in years. It's crazy. The gamers say we're "Retro" which I think means "Old but cool". Oh, and I've decided living in the dump wasn't making me feel very good, so I cleaned it up, built myself a little shack and a couple for the new guys, too. Well, with a little help from Felix. Oh, and guess who was the best man at his and Calhoun's wedding? That's right, my friends, old ham-hands himself. Very elegant affair. You should have seen it. A lot of grandeur. And not a single bug. ...And, let's just say some tears were shed... But I gotta say, the best part of my day is when I get thrown off the roof. Because when the Nicelanders lift me up, I get a perfect view of "Sugar Rush", and I can see Vanellope racing. The kid's a natural. And the players love her, glitch and all, just like I knew they would. Turns out I don't need a medal to tell me I'm a good guy. Because if that little kid likes me... How bad can I be...?
Wreck-It Ralph
Because if that little kid likes me, how bad can I be?
Wreck-It Ralph
Because if that little kid likes me, how bad can I be?
Wreck-It Ralph
If that kid likes me, how bad can I be?
Vanellope von Schweetz
Welcome to my home! I sleep in these candy wrappers and bundle myself up like a little old lady!
Wreck-It Ralph
By yourself... All this garbage around you...?
Vanellope von Schweetz
Well... yeah. I mean, everyone here says I'm just a mistake and that I wasn't even supposed to exist. What do you expect?
Wreck-It Ralph
Listen, kid... I know it's none of my business, but why do you even stick around this game?
Vanellope von Schweetz
You really don't know anything, do you? Glitches can't leave their games... One of the joys of being me...
Wreck-It Ralph
[Disheartened moan] That's it! I'm never getting my medal back!
Vanellope von Schweetz
What is the big whoop about that crummy medal, anyway?
Wreck-It Ralph
The big whoop?! Well this may come as a shock to you, but in my game, I'm the Bad Guy, and I live in the garbage!
Vanellope von Schweetz
Cool!
Wreck-It Ralph
No! NOT cool! Unhygienic, and lonely, and boring... And that "crummy medal" was gonna change all that. I go home with that baby around my neck and I'll get a penthouse, pies, ice sculptures, fireworks!
Vanellope von Schweetz
[Looks at Ralph with a sympathetic expression]
Wreck-It Ralph
[Sighs] Grown-up stuff. You wouldn't understand...
Vanellope von Schweetz
No, I get it! That's exactly what racing would do for me!
Wreck-It Ralph
I ought to beat the filling out of you!
King Candy
[Pulls out fake glasses and puts them on] Aha! You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses would you?
Wreck-It Ralph
[Grabs the glasses, shatters them on Candy's head]
King Candy
Ow. You hit a guy WITH glasses. That's... [snickers] that's... well played.
Wreck-It Ralph
Listen, I try to be nice--
Vanellope von Schweetz
[Imitating Ralph] I try to be nice.
Wreck-It Ralph
...You're mimicking me.
Vanellope von Schweetz
[Imitating Ralph] You're mimicking me.
Wreck-It Ralph
OK. That is rude and this conversation is over.
Vanellope von Schweetz
[Imitating Ralph] And this conversation is over. Uh, I wouldn't grab that branch if I were you...
Wreck-It Ralph
I'm from the Candy Tree Department, I know what--
Vanellope von Schweetz
It's a double-stripe. [The branch disintegrates, Ralph falls and grabs another branch below] Double-stripes break. Gah-doi... Hey, why are your hands so freakishly big?
Wreck-It Ralph
Uh, I don't know, why are you so freakishly annoying?
Sergeant Calhoun
Markowski!
Wreck-It Ralph
Who...? [Realizes that he's in Markowski's armor] Oh, yeah, uh, me. I'm-I'm Markowski.
Sergeant Calhoun
[Cracks Ralph in the head with her helmet] What's the first rule of "Hero's Duty"?
Sergeant Calhoun
[Cracks Ralph in the head with her helmet] What's the first rule of 'Hero's Duty'?
Wreck-It Ralph
No cuts, no buts, no coconuts?
Sergeant Calhoun
[Cracks Ralph again] Never interfere with the first person shooter!
Wreck-It Ralph
Wow. So, this is the real you: a princess.
Vanellope von Schweetz
Ah, Ralph, what, are you nuts? Come on, this isn't me. [Glitches out of her gown and into her normal clothes] THIS is me!
Wreck-It Ralph
Huh?
Vanellope von Schweetz
Look, the code may say I'm a princess, but I know who I really am, Ralph: I'm a racer with the greatest superpower ever! [While glitching to random places] I was here! I was there! I was glitching through the walls! I'm not giving that up!
Wreck-It Ralph
[Smashes Vanellope's cell door down and walks in with her repaired kart] ...I know, I know, I know, I'm an idiot...
Vanellope von Schweetz
...And?
Wreck-It Ralph
And a real numbskull...
Vanellope von Schweetz
[starts smiling] And?
Wreck-It Ralph
A selfish diaper baby.
Vanellope von Schweetz
And?
Wreck-It Ralph
...A stinkbrain?
Vanellope von Schweetz
[Fully smiling] The stinkiest brain ever.
King Candy
[Laughs, holds Ralph above Diet Cola Mountain] It's game over for both of you!
Wreck-It Ralph
No... Just for me! [Breaks free of Candy's grip and free falls]
Vanellope von Schweetz
Ralph!
Fix-It Felix
Vanellope! [Tries to stop her, but she starts glitching her way toward Ralph]
Wreck-It Ralph
[Falling, fist outstretched] I'm bad, and that's good! I will never be good and that's not bad! [looks at Vanellope's medal] There's no one I'd rather be... than me.
Vanellope von Schweetz
I'm gonna learn to drive! I'm gonna learn to drive! I'm gonna--oh, wait--do you know how to drive?
Wreck-It Ralph
Yeah... I mean I haven't done it, but--look, I flew a spaceship today, OK?
Vanellope von Schweetz
You crashed it.
Vanellope von Schweetz
Whoa. What? You have teeth? I don't think I've ever seen you smile.
Wreck-It Ralph
I'm not smiling, I'm just... I'm gassy, OK?
Vanellope von Schweetz
[Laughs]
Vanellope von Schweetz
Look, you want that medal, right? And I want to race. So, here's what I'm thinking... You help me get a new kart--a REAL kart--and I'll win the race and get you back your medal.
Wreck-It Ralph
You want ME to help YOU?!
Vanellope von Schweetz
All you gotta do is break something for me. C'mon what do you say, [extends arm] friend?
Wreck-It Ralph
We are not friends.
Vanellope von Schweetz
Aw, c'mon pal, you son-of-a-gun. C'mon buddy. Let's shake on it.
Wreck-It Ralph
[Turns away in disgust]
Vanellope von Schweetz
Ah, come on chumbo. Ralph my man. My main man. Hey... My arm's getting tired. We have a deal or not?
Wreck-It Ralph
[Grunts in exasperation, turns to Vanellope] You better win!
Vanellope von Schweetz
Well, unless you've got a go-kart hidden in the fat folds of your neck, I can't help you.
Wreck-It Ralph
[Stops himself from crushing Vanellope's head, smashes trees, and continually beats on a jawbreaker in an attempt to break it]
Vanellope von Schweetz
What a moron... [To Ralph] Hey genius! That's a jawbreaker! You're never gonna--
Wreck-It Ralph
[Finally splits the jawbreaker in half and sits down]
Vanellope von Schweetz
You enjoy your little tantrum, diaper baby?
Wreck-It Ralph
I'm taking life one game at a time.
Wreck-It Ralph
I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good, and that's not bad.
Sergeant Calhoun
It's make your mama's proud time!
Wreck-It Ralph
I love my mama!
Vanellope von Schweetz
Hey, why are your hands so freakishly big?
Vanellope von Schweetz
Why are your hands so freakishly big?
Wreck-It Ralph
I dunno, why are YOU so freakishly annoying?!
Wreck-It Ralph
I don't know. Why are you so freakishly annoying?
Wreck-It Ralph
I'm bad, and that's good, and that's not bad, there's no one I'd rather be then me.
Amos Hart
I'm down at the garage working 14 hours a day, and she's up here munching on bonbons and tramping around like some goddamn floozy!
Richard Gaddis
"You have one thing money and practice can't buy. You look like a nice guy."
Richard Gaddis
You have one thing money and practice can't buy. You look like a nice guy.
#9
I was right! You did send him out to die!
#1
He was old! He was weak!
#5
*gasp*
#1
Sometimes one must be sacrificed for the good of many.
#7
You coward!
Edith
I never get to see you anymore your kids never get to see you.
Dewey Cox
I dont know how to tell you this im gona miss some things ok im gona miss some birthdays and some christening's, im gona miss some births period, its unrealistic to think im gona be hear everytime you have a baby, but arn't you happy you have a beautiful new home and all your fancy new clothes and your monkey and your giraffe, look what else you need how about i get you a crow that can talk.
Dewey Cox
[On his new song] It's still not finished yet, im hearing more aboriginal percussionist's and I want an army of diggeridoos fifty thousand diggeridoos.
Dewey Cox
[on his new song] It's still not finished yet, im hearing more aboriginal percussionist's and I want an army of diggeridoos fifty thousand didgeridoos.
Vanellope von Schweetz
Are you a hobo?
Wreck-It Ralph
No, I am not a hobo. But I am busy, okay, so you go... go home.
Vanellope von Schweetz
What's that? Didn't hear ya. Your breath is so bad it mad my ears numb!
Phil Last
I need to get stoned
Justine Last
Okay. Get stoned.
Phil Last
I just gotta escape, you know? You ever feeI Iike that?
Justine Last
Yeah
Phil Last
Like you gotta escape?
Justine Last
Yeah, I do.
Small Woman
"Eat me, cop."
Small Woman
Eat me, cop.
Dean Ziegler
"I'm not a cop, Joan Jet."
Dean Ziegler
I'm not a cop, Joan Jet.
Vanellope von Schweetz
What's that?
Wreck-It Ralph
A medal! I earned it in Heroes Duty!
Vanellope von Schweetz
[chuckles]
Wreck-It Ralph
Not that kind of duty!
King Candy
Stop! *puts on glasses* You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on!
King Candy
Stop! *puts on glasses* You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses!
Wreck-It Ralph
*Takes off his fake glasses and hits him with them*
King Candy
Oh. You hit a guy WITH glasses. Tha-that's clever.
Buck Swope
(After being shown a magic trick by Reed) "But aren't you worried about the evil forces?"
Buck Swope
[after being shown a magic trick by Reed] But aren't you worried about the evil forces?
Reed Rothchild
"What? Horses?"
Reed Rothchild
What? Horses?
Buck Swope
(louder) "No, the evil forces!"
Buck Swope
[louder] No, the evil forces!
Reed Rothchild
"Evil? Nah, man, it's an illusion. An illusion.".
Reed Rothchild
Evil? Nah, man, it's an illusion. An illusion.
Buck Swope
"Yes, it's very confusing!"
Buck Swope
Yes, it's very confusing!
Reed Rothchild
(fist pump) "Thank you!"
Reed Rothchild
[fist pump] Thank you!
Noah Dietrich
I've gotta tell you, the board over in Houston has been getting a little concerned about the cost of this operation out here.
Howard Hughes
Ah! would you stop showing them the books, Noah?
Noah Dietrich
That be illegal Howard
Howard Hughes
Well, maybe it's a little naughty.