John Cleese

John Cleese

  • Highest Rated: 97% Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
  • Lowest Rated: 4% The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)
  • Birthday: Oct 27, 1939
  • Birthplace: Weston-super-Mare, Somerset, England
  • Family name was originally "Cheese", but his father changed it in 1915 to "Cleese" upon joining the British army. Was bullied at school because he was six feet tall by the age of twelve. Taught biology for two years at his old preparatory school before being admitted to Cambridge to study law. Performed with the Cambridge Footlights comedy group, where he met future Monty Python members Graham Chapman and Eric Idle. Wrote and performed in the comedy revue Cambridge Circus, which played off-Broadway in New York. Professional writing career began with The Dick Emery Show in 1963; later wrote for the satirical sketch show The Frost Report, which also featured Terry Jones and Michael Palin. Co-founded Monty Python's Flying Circus in 1969; co-wrote and appeared in the group's BBC series and their films, including Monty Python and the Holy Grail and Life of Brian. Starred in and co-wrote the sitcom Fawlty Towers. Has written several books, including Families and How to Survive Them. Has worked to save endangered lemurs and had a new species of lemur named after him. Served as a professor of comedy at Cornell University in New York. Known for his innovative slapstick routines and infantile character sketches. Received the BAFTA Award for 'Best Light Entertainment Performance' in 'Fawlty Towers' in 1980; the Primetime Emmy for 'Outstanding Guest Performer in a Comedy Series' for 'Cheers' in 1987; an Oscar nomination for writing 'A Fish Called Wanda' in 1988; and the BAFTA Award for 'Best Actor' in 'A Fish Called Wanda' in 1989. Has been married four times and divorced three times.

Photos

Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

Movies

Rating

Title

Credit

Box
Office

Year

14% Arctic Dogs Otto Von Walrus 2019
No Score Yet The Naked Wanderer Brian King 2019
No Score Yet Assholes: A Theory Actor 2019
No Score Yet Python at 50: Silly Talks and Holy Grails Actor 2019
30% Elliot The Littlest Reindeer Actor 2018
25% Charming Actor 2018
18% Absolutely Anything Chief Alien $0.7M 2017
76% Trolls King Gristles Sr. $153.7M 2016
No Score Yet A.C.O.R.N.S.: Operation Crackdown (Get Squirrely) Mr. Bellwood 2016
No Score Yet The Enchanted Stallion General Eeder 2016
No Score Yet Get Squirrely Actor 2015
94% The Last Impresario Actor 2014
No Score Yet Monty Python Live (Mostly) Actor $1.2M 2014
No Score Yet Monty Python: The Meaning Of Live Actor 2014
No Score Yet Spud 3: Learning to Fly Actor 2014
26% Planes Bulldog $71.3M 2013
No Score Yet Spud 2: The Madness Continues Mr. "The Guv"' Edly 2013
44% A Liar's Autobiography - The Untrue Story of Monty Python's Graham Chapman Actor 2012
No Score Yet God Loves Caviar Actor 2012
91% Winnie the Pooh Narrator $26.7M 2011
No Score Yet Beethoven's Christmas Adventure Narrator 2011
No Score Yet Monty Python: Almost the Truth - The Lawyers Cut Actor 2011
58% Shrek Forever After King $238.4M 2010
80% Spud Actor 2010
22% Planet 51 Professor Kipple $42.2M 2009
12% Pink Panther 2 Chief Inspector Dreyfus $36M 2009
No Score Yet The Art Of Football Actor Screenwriter 2009
No Score Yet Monty Python Almost the Truth Obligatory Making of Special Actor 2009
21% The Day the Earth Stood Still Prof. Barnhardt $79.2M 2008
39% Igor Dr. Glickenstein $19.5M 2008
No Score Yet Monty Python - Before & After Actor 2008
No Score Yet Monty Python: The Other British Invasion Actor 2008
41% Shrek the Third King $320.8M 2007
78% Charlotte's Web Samuel $82.2M 2006
No Score Yet L'Entente cordiale Actor 2006
No Score Yet Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys British Expert 2006
38% Man About Town Dr. Primkin 2006
32% Valiant Mercury $19.4M 2005
No Score Yet John Cleese's Wine for the Confused Actor 2004
No Score Yet Wine for the Confused Actor 2004
32% Around the World in 80 Days Grizzled Sergeant 2004
90% Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban Nearly Headless Nick $249.4M 2004
89% Shrek 2 King Harold $436.5M 2004
No Score Yet Romance With A Double Bass Actor 2003
17% George Of The Jungle 2 Ape 2003
17% Esto es un Robo Charles Merchant 2003
42% Charlie's Angels - Full Throttle Mr. Munday $100.7M 2003
67% Stupidity Actor 2003
58% Die Another Day Q $160.3M 2002
83% Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Nick the Nearly Headless Ghost $261.9M 2002
4% The Adventures of Pluto Nash James $4.4M 2002
81% Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone Sir Nicholas "Nearly Headless Nick" de Mimsy-Porpington $317.6M 2001
No Score Yet Mickey's Magical Christmas - Snowed in at the House of Mouse Narrator 2001
No Score Yet Beauty Actor 2001
44% Rat Race Donald Sinclair $55.9M 2001
No Score Yet The Magic Pudding Albert The Magic Pudding 2001
25% Isn't She Great Henry Marcus 2000
No Score Yet Quantum Project Alexander Pentcho 2000
52% The World Is Not Enough R 1999
27% The Out-of-Towners Mr. Mersault 1999
No Score Yet Parting Shots Maurice Walpole 1999
57% George of the Jungle Ape 1997
53% Fierce Creatures Producer Rollo Lee Screenwriter 1997
75% The Wind in the Willows Mr. Toad's Lawyer 1996
79% Rudyard Kipling's The Jungle Book Dr. Plumford 1994
38% Mary Shelley's Frankenstein Prof. Waldman 1994
50% The Swan Princess Jean-Bob 1994
8% Splitting Heirs Shadgrind 1993
54% An American Tail - Fievel Goes West Cat R. Waul 1991
No Score Yet Bullseye! Man on Beach in Barbados 1990
No Score Yet Life of Python Actor 1990
No Score Yet Quark the Dragon Slayer Actor 1990
No Score Yet The Secret Policeman's Biggest Ball Actor 1989
47% Erik the Viking Halfdan the Black 1989
91% The Big Picture Bartender 1989
40% Bert Rigby, You're a Fool Actor 1989
No Score Yet Monty Python's Parrot Sketch Not Included Actor 1989
94% A Fish Called Wanda Screenwriter Archie Leach Executive Producer 1988
No Score Yet The Secret Policeman's Third Ball Actor 1987
80% Clockwise Brian Stimpson 1986
76% Silverado Sheriff Langston $33.3M 1985
No Score Yet The Secret Policeman's Private Parts Actor 1984
22% Yellowbeard Screenwriter Blind Pew 1983
86% Monty Python's The Meaning of Life Screenwriter Fish #2/Dr. Spencer/Humphrey Williams/Sturridge/Ainsworth 1983
No Score Yet Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl Screenwriter Various roles Rotkäppchen 1982
No Score Yet Privates on Parade Maj. Giles Flack 1982
89% The Secret Policeman's Other Ball Actor 1982
89% Time Bandits Robin Hood Screenwriter 1981
76% The Great Muppet Caper Neville 1981
No Score Yet The Secret Policeman's Ball Actor 1981
No Score Yet The Taming of the Shrew Petruchio 1980
95% Monty Python's Life of Brian Centurion Screenwriter 1979
No Score Yet Strange Case of the End of Civilization as We Know It Arthur Sherlock Holmes 1977
No Score Yet The Mermaid Frolics Actor 1977
No Score Yet Pleasure at Her Majesty's (Monty Python Meets Beyond the Fringe) Actor 1976
97% Monty Python and the Holy Grail Screenwriter Sir Lancelot, Black Knight, French 1975
No Score Yet Monty Python's Flying Circus - Episode 45 Actor 1974
No Score Yet Romance With a Double Bass Musician Smychkov 1974
No Score Yet Dr. Seuss: Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are? Narrator 1973
91% Monty Python's And Now for Something Completely Different Screenwriter Town Guild Lady #2 1972
No Score Yet The Statue Harry 1971
No Score Yet The Rise and Rise of Michael Rimmer Plumer Pumer Screenwriter 1970
56% The Magic Christian Director In Sotheby's 1970
No Score Yet John Cleese on How to Irritate People Actor 1968
No Score Yet The Bliss of Mrs. Blossom Actor 1968
No Score Yet At Last the 1948 Show Actor 1967
No Score Yet Interlude 'rV Publicist 1957

TV

Rating

Title

Credit

Year

56% Hold the Sunset
2018
Phil
  • 2019
No Score Yet Speechless
2016
Martin
  • 2018
No Score Yet Late Night With Seth Meyers
2014
Guest
  • 2018
  • 2015
No Score Yet The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
2015
Guest
  • 2018
  • 2015
No Score Yet The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
2014
Guest
  • 2017
  • 2015
No Score Yet Conan
2010
Guest
  • 2016
  • 2015
No Score Yet Sunday Morning
2011-2018
Appearing
  • 2015
No Score Yet Real Time With Bill Maher
2003
Guest Panelist
  • 2015
  • 2014
No Score Yet The Graham Norton Show
2007
Guest
  • 2015
  • 2014
  • 2010
No Score Yet The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
1999-2015
Guest
  • 2014
19% Whitney
2011-2013
Dr. Grant
  • 2013
  • 2012
66% Entourage
2004-2011
Himself
  • 2010
No Score Yet Chelsea Lately
2007-2014
Guest
  • 2009
  • 2008
No Score Yet Will & Grace
1998
Lyle Finster Lester Finster
  • 2004
  • 2003
  • 1999
No Score Yet 3rd Rock from the Sun
1996-2001
Liam Neesam
  • 2001
  • 1998
No Score Yet Cheers
1982-1993
Guest Dr. Simon Finch-Royce
  • 1988
  • 1987
68% Doctor Who
1963-1989
Gallery Visitor
  • 1979
  • 1973
100% The Muppet Show
1976-1981
Guest
  • 1977
100% Fawlty Towers
1975-1979
Screenwriter Basil Fawlty
100% Monty Python's Flying Circus
1969-1974
Screenwriter Performer Director
No Score Yet The Avengers (1961)
1969
Marcus Rugman

QUOTES FROM John Cleese CHARACTERS

Sir Lancelot, Black Knight, French
"I'll do you for that."
Sir Lancelot, Black Knight, French
I'll do you for that.
Sir Lancelot, Black Knight, French
"You'll what?"
Sir Lancelot, Black Knight, French
You'll what?
Queen Lillian
Harold!
Princess Fiona
Shrek!
Shrek
Fiona!
King Harold
Fiona!
Princess Fiona
Mom!
Donkey
Donkey!
Fairy Godmother
Harold! You were meant to give her the potion!
Fairy Godmother
Harold! You were supposed to give her the potion!
King Harold
Well, I think I gave her the wrong tea!
King Harold
Well, I must have given her the wrong tea!
Brian Stimpson
It's not the despair. I can stand the despair. It's the hope!
Mrs. Garden
It don't who I am or when I am.
French
"Now go away or I will taunt you a second time."
French
Now go away or I will taunt you a second time.
Bulldog
I don't cry, I'm British.
Donald Sinclair
currently you have been racing for about 15 seconds and right now Mr Shafer is winning because he is closest to the door.
Donald Sinclair
Currently you have been racing for about 15 seconds and right now Mr Shafer is winning because he is closest to the door.
Raoul P. Shadgrind
Say no more!
Raoul P. Shadgrind
People went sex mad in the sixties, you know. Seemed to do it just for fun/
Raoul P. Shadgrind
People went sex mad in the sixties, you know. Seemed to do it just for fun.
Q
How about you aquatint yourself with the manual you should be able to shoot through that in a couple hours
Q
How about you aquatint yourself with the manual you should be able to shoot through that in a couple hours .
James Bond Agent 007
It only took a few seconds Q
James Bond Agent 007
It only took a few seconds Q.
Q
I wish I could make you vanish
Q
I wish I could make you vanish.
Q
Pardon me for asking 007 but a perfect marksman isn't suppose to shoot his own boss.
James Bond Agent 007
Check the replay you will find he's dead and she only has a flesh wound
James Bond Agent 007
Check the replay you will find he's dead and she only has a flesh wound.
Black Knight
(After noticing that he has no limbs left) All right, we'll call it a draw.
Black Knight
All right, we'll call it a draw.
French
Your Mother was a Hamster, and your Father smelt of Elderberries!
French
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Three-Headed Knight
(First Head)I say let's kill him.
Three-Headed Knight
(Second Head) Let's have tea first.
Three-Headed Knight
(Third Head) Oh, stop your whining. First we kill him, then we have biscuts and tea.
Three-Headed Knight
(Second Head) No biscuts. Let's just kill him already.
Three-Headed Knight
(First Head) Alright, alright. First we kill him, then we have tea.
Three-Headed Knight
(All Three) Right.
Black Knight
(Second Head) Why, the blokes' run off!
Professor Kipple
This is oviesly alien writing....mmm....it says surrender or die and this is a list of surrender turns.
Professor Kipple
This is oviesly alien writing.... mmm.... it says surrender or die and this is a list of surrender turns.
King Arthur
You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight.
Black Knight
...
King Arthur
I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
King Arthur
I seek the bravest and the finest knights in the land who will join me in my court at Camelot.
King Arthur
You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?
King Arthur
You make me sad.
King Arthur
How does it... um... how does it work?
Sir Lancelot
I know not, my liege.
King Arthur
Consult the Book of Armaments!
Maynard
Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.
Minstrel + minor role
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...
Minstrel + minor role
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...
Maynard
Skip a bit, brother...
Minstrel + minor role
And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
Minstrel + minor role
And the Lord spake, saying, First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
Maynard
Amen.
King Arthur
Right. One... two... five!
Sir Galahad
Three, sir.
King Arthur
Three!
Centurion
Well, it's a joke sir, like Sillius Soddus or Biggus Dickus, Sir.
Pontius Pilate
What's so funny about Biggus Dickus?
Centurion
Well, it's a joke name, Sir.
Black Knight
Right! I'll do you for that!
King Arthur
You'll what?
Black Knight
Come here!
King Arthur
What are you going to do, bleed on me?
Black Knight
I am invincible!
King Arthur
You're a loony!
Black Knight
The Black Knights always triumph!
Black Knight
It's just a scratch. I've had worse.
Black Knight
Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here & take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!
King Arthur
Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!
Black Knight
Yes I have.
King Arthur
Look!
Black Knight
Just a flesh wound.
Black Knight
Running away? You yellow bastard! Come back and get what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!
Black Knight
'Tis but a scratch.
King Arthur
A scratch!? Your arm's off!
Black Knight
No, it isn't.
King Arthur
Well, what's that then?!
Black Knight
I've had worse.
Black Knight
Tis but a scratch
Black Knight
Tis but a scratch.
Black Knight
I'll bite your legs off!
King Arthur
(having cut off all of the Black Knight's limbs), well, lets get going! Come along, Patsy
King Arthur
[having cut off all of the Black Knight's limbs] Well, lets get going! Come along, Patsy
Black Knight
(limbless and on the ground) Running away, eh? Come back here!! I'll bite your legs off!!
Black Knight
[limbless and on the ground] Running away, eh? Come back here! I'll bite your legs off!
Old Man from Scene 24
What is your name?
Sir Lancelot
Sir Lancelot of Camelot!
Old Man from Scene 24
What is your quest?
Sir Lancelot
To seek the Holy Grail!
Old Man from Scene 24
What is your favorite colour?
Sir Lancelot
Red!... I mean blue! (falls down the crevice screaming)
Sir Lancelot
Red!... I mean blue! [falls down the crevice screaming]
Fourth Fish
Oh sh*t, it's Mr. Creosote!
Second Fish Grim
Hide!
Sir Lancelot
[charges into room, killing hicoughing guard]
Guard
[turns] Now, you're not allowed to- [gets cut off as Lancelot kills him]
French
I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of eldeberries!
King Arthur
Is there anyone else up there we can talk to?
French
No! now go away away or I shall taunt you a second time!
Sir Lancelot
i thought your son was a girl
Sir Lancelot
I thought your son was a girl.
King
thats understandable
King
That's understandable.
Centurion
Brian, "you don't need to fallow me, you don't need to fallow anybody."
Brian Called Brian
You don't need to fallow me, you don't need to fallow anybody.
Centurion
You don't need to fallow me, you don't need to fallow anybody,
King Arthur
[after literally "disarming" the Black Knight] Now stand aside, worthy adversary!
King Arthur
[after literally 'disarming' the Black Knight] Now stand aside, worthy adversary!
Black Knight
'Tis but a scratch.
King Arthur
A scratch?! You're arm's off!
Black Knight
No it isn't!
King Arthur
[points to BK's arm on the ground] Well, what's that?
Black Knight
I've had worse.
King Arthur
You liar!
Black Knight
Oh, come on, you pansy!
King Arthur
[calling out to the battlements] Hello! Hello!
French
Hallo? Who is it?
King Arthur
It is King Arthur, and these are his Knights of the Round Table. Whose castle is this?
French
This is the castle of my master, Guy de Lombard.
King Arthur
Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he can provide us food and shelter for the night he can join us on the quest for the Holy Grail.
French
Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'd be very keen. He's already got one you see?
King Arthur
[puzzled] What?
Sir Galahad
They said they already got one.
Professor Barnhardt
It's only at the precipice that we change.
King Harold
He's ogre.
King Harold
No, really. I'm fine.
Archie Leach
I Wendy- I Wanda- I wonder...
Black Knight
It's Only a flesh wound.
Black Knight
It's just a flesh wound!
French
Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of silly persons!
French
Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person.
French
You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.
French
You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called 'Arthur King', you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.
French
I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries
French
I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
Black Knight
I'll have you for that!
King Arthur
What are you going to do, bleed on me?
Ape
Ladies and gentlemen I present you The King of the Jungle.
French
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries
French
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
Black Knight
It's only a flesh wound!
Black Knight
It's just a flesh wound.
King Arthur
to Black knigh: tWhat are you going to do, bleed on me?
Black Knight
What are you going to do, bleed on me?
French
Your father was a hamster, and your mother smelt of elderberries!
French
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
Sir Lancelot
She turned me into a newt!
Sir Galahad
A newt?
Sir Lancelot
...I got better...
Sir Lancelot
I got better...
Narrator
Silly old bear.
Narrator
oh bother
Narrator
Oh bother.
King
You only killed the bride's father, you know.
Sir Lancelot
Well, I didn't mean to.
King
Didn't mean to? You put your sword right through his head.
Sir Lancelot
Oh dear... is he all right?
Sheriff Langston
It's hard on the peace and it's hard on the furniture
Black Knight
It's just a flesh wound.
French
I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
Black Knight
Tis but a scratch!
French
Your motha was a hamster and your fatha smelled of hoozenberries!!!