Alex Markerson

Alex Markerson
Alex Markerson's reviews only count toward the Tomatometer when published at the following Tomatometer-approved publication(s): E! Online
Biography:
E! Online film critic.
Publications: E! Online

Movie Reviews Only

T-Meter Title | Year
D 10% The Unborn (2009) Writer/director David S. Goyer, whose niche as a screenwriter is in adapting comic-book tales, gets a few frightening images into the frame, but they're all one-off shocks that do nothing to build tension. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 9, 2009
C- 62% Valkyrie (2008) The actors don't interact so much as issue pronouncements, and there's not a hint of levity to distract from the gravity of the situation. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 30, 2008
C+ 14% The Spirit (2008) It's black-and-white with red all over, but The Spirit is as thin as the newsprint from which it springs. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 29, 2008
A- 71% The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008) It'll take two and a half hours of your life and still make you feel younger. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 24, 2008
B 81% Gran Torino (2009) The supporting performances are a little uneven, but the characters come through in unexpected ways, especially a wet-behind-the-ears priest who's anything but naive. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 11, 2008
D 39% Transporter 3 (2008) It's kinda fast, it looks cheap, it's definitely out of control. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 26, 2008
B+ 89% Bolt (2008) Charming and frequently exciting. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 20, 2008
B- 65% Quantum of Solace (2008) It's like Casino Royale with cheese: Daniel Craig's second outing as 007 has all the action it needs and then some, but lacks the focus of its predecessor. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 14, 2008
B- 77% Role Models (2008) It's not often that a film with mortifying first-act problems redeems itself, but somehow Role Models manages to grow in parallel with its characters. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 7, 2008
C- 75% Splinter (2008) The ingredients are all there: a small, virtually unknown cast, a remote location, a nasty critter -- but the seasoning is all off. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2008
D- 13% Saw V (2008) The death of nearly every character in the franchise isn't enough to prevent the makers from grinding out another edition of Saw. Could they just finish the job? - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 29, 2008
D 16% Max Payne (2008) Painful to watch, but it's nothing an aspirin can't fix. Might as well save yourself the headache, though. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 17, 2008
B- 56% Quarantine (2008) Effective scares make up for some dodgy storytelling in this horror vérité about a TV crew trapped in an apartment building teeming with plague victims. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 10, 2008
C 60% RocknRolla (2008) [Ritchie's] latest effort has the sprawling cast of characters and all the convolutions you'd expect, but none of the wit or joy necessary to distract from its shallowness. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 10, 2008
C+ 76% Appaloosa (2008) Emotionally Appaloosa shoots blanks. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 3, 2008
B 44% Blindness (2008) Blindness looks and feels uncomfortably real; what redeems it is its fumbling, groping quest for mercies that may not be coming. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 3, 2008
B- 55% Choke (2008) A gleefully profane adaptation of a Chuck Palahniuk novel, Choke suffers from some uneven performances but still might have you doing spit takes in your popcorn. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 25, 2008
B+ 78% Burn After Reading (2008) A twisted spy farce populated with characters that might as well be windup toys, Burn After Reading is nevertheless a hoot -- mostly thanks to the all-star cast. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 12, 2008
C 8% Bangkok Dangerous (2008) [A] stylish but laborious thriller. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Sep 5, 2008
C- 31% The X-Files: I Want to Believe (The X Files 2) (2008) Fans of the late and lamented show may want to believe that this X marks a glorious return, but this plodding supernatural thriller wouldn't even make a top-10-episodes list. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Jul 24, 2008
A 94% The Dark Knight (2008) Director Christopher Nolan has crafted a Batman film of such devastating impact, it practically obliterates the memory of its predecessors -- including Nolan's own Batman Begins. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Jul 17, 2008
B 86% Hellboy II: The Golden Army (Hellboy 2) (2008) If you're deeply into the weird, Hellboy II is just like heaven. Even if you're not, it's not half bad. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Jul 11, 2008
B 70% The Wackness (2008) It's an acquired taste, more bitter than sweet, but it lingers -- a lot like smoke. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Jul 3, 2008
C 41% Hancock (2008) Hancock can fly; Hancock can punch; Hancock is bulletproof. Regrettably these things don't hold true for Hancock as a film, which starts promisingly enough, but ultimately gets knocked off course by a reveal of dubious dramatic value. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Jul 2, 2008
B- 71% Wanted (2008) An unapologetically brutish action-thriller that moves just fast enough to outrun its gaping flaws. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 27, 2008
C- 18% The Happening (2008) Shyamalan's still trying to take the story seriously-this is, horror of horrors, a message film-but his atypically unmeasured direction is all shock and no awe. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 12, 2008
D 37% You Don't Mess With the Zohan (2008) You Don't Mess With the Zohan is like a hellacious bad-hair day -- unkempt, unsightly and mildly embarrassing at best. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 5, 2008
C+ 87% Kung Fu Panda (2008) Replace the cute 'widdle' animals with people and you'd have a generic undiscovered-hero story with a dull script. (Also, it would have to be called Kung Fu Fat Kid, which probably wouldn't test very well.) - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Jun 5, 2008
C+ 53% The Foot Fist Way (2006) This discomfiting low-budget comedy vérité can be painfully funny, but the emphasis is on the painful. This goes Way below the belt a little too long and too often. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted May 29, 2008
C 30% War, Inc. (2008) This dog doesn't do enough wagging. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted May 23, 2008
B+ 94% Iron Man (2008) This is a film about a guy with a superpowered suit, and in this case both the suit and the guy are golden. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted May 1, 2008
D- 3% Deal (2008) You've got to know when to walk away from a movie like this: right away, and that's only if you can't run. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 25, 2008
C 11% Deception (2008) Judged entirely below the belt it's almost worth watching, but from the heart on up it's just not a good enough lie to be entertaining. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 25, 2008
F 7% Prom Night (2008) This may not be one of the worst films of all time -- that's a pretty tough list to crack. But it is definitely one of the stupidest. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 11, 2008
B 48% The Ruins (2008) The Ruins has a quality common enough to vacations but a rarity in horror films: When it's over, you can look back and realize you've been pleasantly surprised. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Apr 7, 2008
C- 36% 21 (2008) As an adaptation, it's a disappointment. As Hollywood fare, it's a bust. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 28, 2008
C- 9% Shutter (2008) Running a slim 85 minutes, Shutter could easily lose two reels and still make sense. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 24, 2008
B- 51% Doomsday (2008) Attention, apocalypse-hungry filmgoers: Doomsday may be the blue-light special you're looking for. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 17, 2008
C- 79% The Bank Job (2008) There's no style, flash or flow to these proceedings -- the story proceeds as if by rote, a recital of events that's always a few paces behind any able-minded viewer. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 6, 2008
F 8% 10,000 B.C. (2008) Almost worth sitting through the first half for the revelatory moment when you're forced to ask yourself: Is nearly the entire cast suddenly being attacked by what look like cracked-out ostriches? Why, yes, yes they are. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Mar 6, 2008
C- 15% Jumper (2008) Since there's nothing popping on the screen apart from the effects, Jumper is a one-trick pony. Yes, it's a neat trick, but it's still 90 minutes of pony. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 14, 2008
D 22% The Eye (2008) Therapy for this fright-free, superdull remake of a stylish Hong Kong horror flick is probably not covered by your HMO. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 4, 2008
D 4% In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2006) Boll clearly still has no idea how to direct or edit a movie, but there is evidence to suggest he has at least learned how to shoot one. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 14, 2008
D No Score Yet One Missed Call (2008) Supernatural horror doesn't have to make sense, but when it tries it shouldn't fail -- as it does in One Missed Call, spectacularly and in thuddingly dull fashion. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Jan 7, 2008
D+ 11% Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (AVP 2) (2007) The result is a complete hash. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 26, 2007
B 38% Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium (2007) As gentle and sweet as it may be, this movie's a treat, but not a treasure. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 16, 2007
D 38% Southland Tales (2007) The plot revolves around a film-within-a-film gimmick that, like the rest of the film, comes off only half-baked. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 14, 2007
C+ 50% Bee Movie (2007) Everybody's least favorite hive workers get an anthropomorphic makeover, courtesy of Jerry Seinfeld, in this animated flick that's got some stinging wit but a story that's strictly for the birds. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Nov 2, 2007
C+ 19% Saw IV (2007) The series has essentially become a shell game, entertaining for a while if you can stomach the gore, and then the credits roll and you're pretty sure you've been cheated somehow. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 29, 2007
C- 51% 30 Days of Night (2007) Eventually, the film just runs out of fresh bodies -- sadly, about 29 days after it's run out of fresh ideas. - E! Online EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 19, 2007