Eileen Jones

Eileen Jones
Tomatometer-approved critic

Movie Reviews Only

T-Meter Title | Year
90% John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum (2019) Needless to say, this means greater and greater achievements in inventive fight scenes, no small task at this point in cinema history after generations of the best and brightest minds in fight choreography have given their all. - The Jacobin EDIT
Read More | Posted May 24, 2019
66% Peterloo (2019) Mike Leigh had plenty of material to make an exciting and historically accurate film about the Peterloo massacre. He made a boring one instead. - The Jacobin EDIT
Read More | Posted May 17, 2019
66% Vice (2018) The movie does a great job highlighting the fact that the people in power in our nation are, in general, the most viscerally repulsive bunch of ghouls in the world. - The Jacobin EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 28, 2019
95% If Beale Street Could Talk (2019) Throughout the adaptation, Jenkins has tried to smooth away certain aspects of Baldwin's work that he assumes audiences can't handle. - The Jacobin EDIT
Read More | Posted Feb 1, 2019
93% The Favourite (2018) The Favourite is a special holiday gift just for you: a weird and wonderful sod-off response to all the many lavish, solemn, toff-worshipping British "heritage films" and TV series centered on the domestic lives of royals. - The Jacobin EDIT
Read More | Posted Dec 26, 2018
73% Gangs of New York (2002) Gangs of New York is one of those haunting failures. I can't get over it; it still gives me a pang every time I think of it. It seemed so filled with potential. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 31, 2018
49% The A-Team (2010) For those of us who like action, we can talk sensibly. Is The A-Team a dumb film? Yes. How dumb is it? It's incredibly dumb-nay, exuberantly dumb. And who was it who said, "exuberance is beauty?" - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 31, 2018
74% Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (2008) Because this is just another romantic comedy, given a youth-audience spin, there's nothing much going on. It's got the standard slovenly agenda of shoving the two hetero leads together because they've always gotten shoved together... - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 31, 2018
71% The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008) I'd like to report that The Curious Case of Benjamin Button represents the end of an era, one of those turning-points when American movies just have to change because they can't get any worse. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 31, 2018
73% Monsters vs. Aliens (2009) Monsters vs. Aliens is raucous and undemanding "flat" entertainment, no doubt. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 31, 2018
58% The International (2009) The International continues in this tradition of telling us what we already know to our sorrow. Somebody tell us something we don't know! - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 31, 2018
94% Star Trek (2009) Did all the fight choreographers in Hollywood boycott this production or something? - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 31, 2018
52% Knight & Day (2010) Even if you like this kind of thing, you still have to be in the right mood for it. If you don't like this kind of thing, you don't need me to tell you to stay far, far away. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 31, 2018
62% Extract (2009) Extract is so bad its rottenness becomes a source of fascination, which is a good thing, because there's nothing else to sustain your interest while the 89 minute dud drags by. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 31, 2018
98% Toy Story 3 (2010) What's so distressing about all this, as I keep pointing out, is the tremendous talent of the Pixar team getting wasted on nostalgic goop, forever presenting idealized 1950s suburban culture as the norm. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 31, 2018
49% Twilight (2008) The orthodox blood-drinking vampires...are about as frightening as snitty runway models, and are only there to threaten Bella's maidenly Type O so Edward can rescue her for the seven-hundredth time. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 31, 2018
53% Disney's A Christmas Carol (2009) This, I told myself, is going to suck. And in most ways, it does suck as fully as expected. But there are, surprisingly, a few decent points, too. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 31, 2018
85% Ghost Town (2008) The ending's like The Simpsons' version of a Disneyland parade, with the shouted slogan, "Hurray for Everything!!" And these days, nobody needs that kind of aggravation. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 31, 2018
21% The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008) The Day the Earth Stood Still is a great study in all the things that can go wrong with a movie. The plot's all haywire and the casting's rotten and the dialogue's stupid and the camerawork's ugly and the CGI sucks. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 31, 2018
64% High School Musical 3: Senior Year (2008) Are these films simply cries for help? - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 31, 2018
68% Shutter Island (2010) What happened to Martin Scorsese? Has Scorsese taken a trip to the lighthouse? Did somebody tell him that he too could be an Oscar-winning studio hack if he'd just let somebody cut a hole in his brain? - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 31, 2018
81% Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010) Does it seem pandering? Are they sick of the bleating, narrow-shouldered Michael Cera type-casting? Do they dislike having their sense of leading epic lives pointed out for laughs, especially in the grandiose form that is cinema? - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 31, 2018
81% Tropic Thunder (2008) If you haven't seen Tropic Thunder yet, go now. There are scenes in it so hilarious the whole audience goes into laugh-convulsions for minutes at a time - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 31, 2018
95% WALL-E (2008) Wall-E is Chaplinesque in the worst way. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
98% Up (2009) Truthfully, it was only the bird and the dog that saved me from bolting out of the theater. They rated some laughs. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
78% Burn After Reading (2008) The Coens are having none of it. The dopes we encounter every day are the real dopes, the creeps are the real creeps, the people in and around power who seem so stupid and venal really are stupid and venal... - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
78% The Hangover (2009) Maybe, just maybe, the movie drags like a half-detached muffler and for some reason nobody wants to mention it. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
72% Fright Night (2011) Fright Night is a nice little genre film. I was pleasantly surprised. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
65% Predators (2010) I found Predators to be amusing as hell, but then, I was in just the right mood for it. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
83% Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009) Since they do spend so much time on the teen hormone angle, I have to say that the Harry Potter-Ginny Weasley love story is disastrous in both book and film. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
33% Terminator Salvation (2009) I seriously thought my eardrums had burst a couple of times during Terminator Salvation. The movie sounds like jets crashing into a junkyard, one after another... - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
82% Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011) When the apes get smart, it's pretty thrilling...may this be the first of many Uprising Movies, and may they give us all some practical ideas for future use. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
69% Horrible Bosses (2011) It's a little too fitting, maybe, that Horrible Bosses goes all vague and mushy and out-of-focus in trying to represent what a happy ending would even look like. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
39% 2012 (2009) 2012 is all about this irrational determination to live and perpetuate our crappy civilization. The film concentrates fiercely on who's going to get a spot on the ark in the end. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
75% Capitalism: A Love Story (2009) Capitalism: A Love Story is a fantastic slap-upside-the-head film, just what we need right now. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
91% Red Cliff (Chi Bi) (2009) The star, Tony Leung, isn't even handsome, but he's got this wonderful, intelligent, melancholy expression that's worth more than all the handsome there is. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
82% Avatar (2009) What about the totally immersive game-changing 230-million-dollar 3-D animation/live-action digitized supersensory orgasmatron of a revolutionary media experience, you ask? Eh, it was all right... - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
95% 13 Assassins (2011) It's a reverent throwback to the great 1950s-'60s Japanese samurai films, and it's done in neutral shades of gray and white and tan and black. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
81% Super 8 (2011) Those stupid interminable close-ups of Dee Wallace-Stone's suburban-mom face, upturned and simpering-will I ever be able to scrub them from my memory? - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
72% Get Him to the Greek (2010) There's a perfectly neat way to wind this up without the nauseating dog's breakfast the final act becomes, with every disgusting thing thrown in, gobbled up, regurgitated with horrible hacking noises, and eaten again. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
68% Pineapple Express (2008) I admit I enjoyed Pineapple Express more than I expected. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
45% Cowboys & Aliens (2011) Cowboys and Aliens is a big mess, sure, but I don't know what everybody's screaming about, it's still better than most of the other maggoty offal they've been serving at the multiplex all year long. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
37% Angels & Demons (2009) ...the wacky action finale ruins the whole zoning-out experience, plus it pushes the film to a punishing two-and-a-half hours. Damn! Sometimes it seems like they can't even make good crap anymore. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
58% W. (2008) If you decide to go see W., just be warned that, once again, Oliver Stone thinks he has some sort of profound insight to share with you. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
55% Unknown (2011) I forgot Unknown by the time I got to the car; it was a real act of will to call it up again long enough to review it, and I'm already forgetting it again. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
65% Quantum of Solace (2008) At the end of Solace there are a couple of unhappy but typical realizations: 1) that the film only runs 106 minutes when it seemed more like 166, and 2) that it's still hard to say whether Daniel Craig moves well as an action hero. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
70% Sherlock Holmes (2009) As Watson, Jude Law has found his perfect role. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
88% Rango (2011) Rango is quite beautiful in its harsh, perverse way. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
83% Paranormal Activity (2009) Paranormal Activity has some big flaws, but I find big flaws fairly forgivable in $10,000 films made by amateurs. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 30, 2018
73% Iron Man 2 (2010) Personally, I enjoyed it...it's a traditional storyline, but as far as I can tell, it still works for a reason. - The eXile EDIT
Read More | Posted Oct 26, 2018