Tommy Lee Jones

Your wife has been dead for over ten years, and she's following you around New York?

Let's go clean 'em up.

Then I woke up.

(trying out a new song) It goes like this 'It'll over my dead body, so get out while you can't, then it drops down to 'cause you ain't woman to take my man!'

Where'd you come up with the idea for that song, Loretta.

And come off that dumb hillbilly act!

If you knew Loretta, you'd know that ain't no act.

Thank you, honey.

Lyin' lips are an abomination to the Lord, so sayeth the Psalms!

That's Proverbs 12:22.

Thanks, Rev. Roy, you've been a real pain in the ass.

Thank you, son. I can assure you, you have been an even larger pain in the ass.

(To Thaddeus Stevens) You have always taken such a lively, even prosecutorial, interest in my household accounts

You have always taken such a lively, even prosecutorial, interest in my household accounts.

Well, that's because you're household accounts have always been so interesting.

(after Loretta's first appearance on the Opry) What we gotta do next is; figure out what to do next.

What we gotta do next is figure out what to do next.

Mr. Webb, me and Loretta are fixin' to get married tomorrow, it's alright with you.

Go ask Clary.

(walks through the house to the kitchen)

Miss Webb, me and Loretta are thinkin' about gettin' married tomorrow.

Go ask Ted.

Doolittle, what are you doin'?

(walks back onto the porch, then back into the house)

Ted says go asks Clary; Clary says go ask Ted; I don't know.

Wait 'till they go to bed; then you can catch them together. 'Less they'll keep you runnin' back and forth all night long.

Boris the Animal!

It's just Boris!

You think this boy Moss has got any notion of the sorts of sons of bitches that're huntin' him?

I don't know, he ought to. He's seen the same things I've seen, and it's certainly made an impression on me.

Well, that's all right. I laugh myself sometimes. Ain't a whole lot else you can do.

Listen up, ladies and gentlemen! Our fugitive has been on the run for 90 minutes. Average foot speed over uneven ground, barring injury, is 4 miles an hour which gives us a radius of 6 miles! What I want out of each and every one of you is a hard target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at 15 miles! Our fugitive's name is Dr. Richard Kimble. Go get him.

Trust? Gentlemen, you seem to have forgotten that our chosen career is politics.

Trust? Gentlemen, you seem to have forgotten that our chosen career is politics.

The greatest measure of the 19th century was passed by corruption, aided and abetted by the purest man in America.

[knock on his door] It opens!

This is my new favorite moment in human history! Unless this is the one where K forgot to leave a tip... (He looks over to K's tip-less plate, then looks up. We see a meteorite heading for Earth.)

This is my new favorite moment in human history! Unless this is the one where K forgot to leave a tip... [he looks over to K's tip-less plate, then looks up. We see a meteorite heading for Earth]

(Re-enters, and leaves a tip. He looks to Griffin...) Almost forgot.

[re-enters, and leaves a tip. He looks to Griffin] Almost forgot.

(The meteorite is intercepted by a satellite. Griffin looks to the camera.) That was a close one!

[the meteorite is intercepted by a satellite. Griffin looks to the camera] That was a close one!

You claim you can trust them. But you know what the people are. You know the inner compass that should direct the soul toward justice has ossified in white men and women, north and south, unto utter uselessness though tolerating the evil of slavery. White people cannot bear the thought of sharing this country's infinite abundance with Negroes.

A compass, I learnt when I was surveying, it'll... it'll point you True North from where you're standing, but it's got no advice about the swamps and dessert and chasm that you'll encounter along the way. If in pursuit of your destination, you plunge ahead, heedless of obstacles, and achieve nothing more than to sink in a swamp... What's the use of knowing True North?

A crime this big it's almost impossible to take it's measure.

Well, they'd torture em' first. I don't know why...maybe their television set was broke.

Well, they'd torture em' first. I don't know why... maybe their television set was broke.

Well, it's a mess..ain't it sherrif?

Well, it's a mess... ain't it sherrif?

If it ain't, it'll do till the mess gets here.

How can I hold that all men are created equal when here before me stands stinking the moral carcass of the gentleman from Ohio? Proof that some men are inferior. Endowed by their maker with dim wits, impermeable to reason, with cold pallid slime in their veins instead of hot red blood. You are more reptile than man George, so low and flat that the foot of man is incapable of crushing you.

Would Mr. Wood conclude his interminable gabble? Some of us breathe oxygen and we find the mephitic fumes of his oratory a lethal challenge to our pulmonary capabilities.

The roaches check in.

They don't check out.

Abraham Lincoln has asked us to work with him to accomplish the death of slavery

Abraham Lincoln has asked us to work with him to accomplish the death of slavery.

Damn Eve.You'll be mad again if I stay.I ain't changed none.

Damn Eve. You'll be mad again if I stay. I ain't changed none.

Keep it steady!

Wait! (kisses Steve) Go get him.

Wait! [kisses Steve] Go get him.

(Looks surprised at Phillips)

[looks surprised at Phillips]

I'm not kissing you!

That look like a '77 Ford to you Wendell?

It could be.

I'd say it is not a doubt in my mind.

Didn't think a car would burn like that.

Well it's a mess ain't it sheriff?

If it ain't it'll do till the mess gets here.

Hey, where you going??

Hey, where you going?

(Calmly) I'm going to get my gun back.

[calmly] I'm going to get my gun back.

I can't leave you here after an earthquake.

Dad, I'm 13 years old, I know what to do.

Ok, What do you do?

Get into a doorframe, stick your head between your knees & kiss your ass goodbye.

You know how I live such a happy life?

How you live such a happy life?

I don't ask questions. I don't want to know the answer to.

That's deep.

Let me enjoy this.

It's a small world after all.

These people will kill him, Carla Jean. They won't quit.

He won't neither. He never has. He can take all comers.

You know Charlie Walser? Has the place east of Sanderson? Well you know how they used to slaughter beeves, hit 'em with a maul right here to stun 'em...and then up and slit their throats? Well here Charlie has one trussed up and all set to drain him and the beef comes to. It starts thrashing around, six hundred pounds of very pissed-off livestock if you'll pardon me...Charlie grabs his gun there to shoot the damn thing in the head but what with the swingin' and twistin' it's a glance-shot and ricochets around and comes back hits Charlie in the shoulder. You go see Charlie, he still can't reach up with his right hand for his hat...Point bein', even in the contest between man and steer, the issue is not certain.

I'll see you in the sun, Eliza.

OK here we go automatic pilot...It is not automatic pilot

OK here we go automatic pilot...It is not automatic pilot.

He doesn't operate at hyper speed !

He doesn't operate at hyper speed!

I could really use a steering wheel here

I could really use a steering wheel here.

We don't have no damm steering wheel this what we've got

We don't have no damm steering wheel this what we've got.

I don't eat meat.

Why not?

It disagrees with me.

How about cyanide does that give you the rumbly tummy too?

What is it?

Steak

Steak.

What is in it?

Cow

Cow.

Do you know what's the most destructive force in the universe?

Sugar?

Regret.

There are things out there you don't need to know about.

That's not the lie you told me when you recruited me!

You don't remember me but we use to work together.

I never worked at a funeral home. There's something I could do for you, slick?

Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to

Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to.

Your Enemy is not what you expect

Your Enemy is not what you expect.

Your enemy is not what you expect.

You Do Know Elvis Is Dead? Right?

You do know elvis is dead? Right?

No, Elvis Is Not Dead. He Just Went Home.

No, Elvis is not dead. He just went home.

Do you know how many treaties you just violated?

One?

One!

Try seven.

Seven!

I didn't kill my wife.

I don't care.

I asked for an army. All I got is you.

Does that come standard?

Actually it came with a black dude, but he kept getting pulled over.

Why did Richard Kimble kill his wife?

He did it for the money.

What do you mean, he did it for the money? He's a doctor. He's already rich.

But she was more rich.

Why did Richard Kimble kill his wif

He did it for the money.

What do you mean, he did it for the money? He's a doctor. He's already rich.

But she was more rich.

[after Kimble jumps off of the dam] Sam, are you out of your mind? He's dead.

That ought to make him easier to catch.

[on the phone] Well, Sir, Mr. Copeland was a bad man. He was gonna shoot one of my kids. [pauses] Well, sir, you can blame me, I'm the one that shot him.

You're the roadrunner?

Yeah, never been caught. Mee-meep.

[Krill is dressed as a drag queen] ... Do I look like I need a psychological evaluation?

Not at all.

Fifteen hundred years ago, everybody knew that the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew that the Earth was flat. And fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.

I'M not gonna kiss ya!

I'm not kissing you.

Do you know old Charlie Walser whose got that place out east of Sanderson?

Well you know how he used to slaughter beeves; him 'em with right here with a maul and then truss 'em up and slit their throats? Well here old Charlie has one trussed up and all set to drain him and the beef comes to. It starts thrashing around. Six hundred pounds of very pissed off livestock...if you'll excuse the.... well. Charlie grabs his gun there shoots the damn thing in the head but with all the swinging and the thrashing it's a glance shot, ricochets around, comes back and hits Charlie in the shoulder. You go see Charlie he still can't pick up his right hand for his hat.

Well you know how he used to slaughter beeves; him 'em with right here with a maul and then truss 'em up and slit their throats? Well here old Charlie has one trussed up and all set to drain him and the beef comes to. It starts thrashing around. Six hundred pounds of very pissed off livestock... if you'll excuse the... well. Charlie grabs his gun there shoots the damn thing in the head but with all the swinging and the thrashing it's a glance shot, ricochets around, comes back and hits Charlie in the shoulder. You go see Charlie he still can't pick up his right hand for his hat.

The point bein' even in the contest between man and steer, the issue is not certain.

Okay get a cane pole, go catch the fish that ate him.

i didnt kill my wife

I didn't kill my wife!

i dont care

I don't care!

We are here to create a new breed of supersoldiers

We are here to create a new breed of super soldiers.

You sold a reverberating carbonizer with mutate capacities to an unlicensed, unauthorized cephalopoid? Jeebs, you piece of s***!!

You sold a reverberating carbonizer with mutate capacities to an unlicensed, unauthorized cephalopoid? Jeebs, you piece of s***!

He looked alright to me.

...then I woke up.

And then I woke up.

If you have something to say, now would be the perfect time to keep it to yourself.

If you have anything to say, now would be a perfect time to keep it to yourself.

if you have something on your mind now is a great time to keep it to your self.

If you have something on your mind now is a great time to keep it to your self.

If you have something on your mind now is a great time to keep it to yourself.

We spotted the Parsons woman in the Quarter last night. She got away. I just came by to find out if you'd heard from her.

Not a peep

Not a peep.

Do you have any idea why she's fixated her lunacy on you?

Well, the world's full of crazy people, am I right?

Oh, yes, you are right. Truer words were never spoken. Those are nice pictures there. Did your kids do them?

Oh, yes, you are right. Truer words were never spoken. Those are nice pictures there. Did your kids do them?

Uh, no. Those pictures are by a very great artist named Kandinsky.

Uh, no. Those pictures are by a very great artist named Kandinsky.

Oh

Oh.

Why do I think you already knew that?

What's the Cloak and Dagger all about, Reggie. You know you can trust us.

You three come here alone?.

You three come here alone?

Nah uh!.

Nah uh!

That's the truth.

Of course it is.

Well, then, why don't you just have one of them.

Just trot out just one of those cars that aren't in the parkin' lot and get a pen and a paper from one of those agents that aren't out there.

Doolittle, are you leavin'.

Doolittle; are you leavin'?

Naw, Loretta, *I* ain't leavin'.

[come back in the house] Naw, Loretta; *I* ain't leavin'.

General Patton has said that wars are fought with weapons but are won by men. Our goal is to create the greatest army in history. But every army begins with one man. He will be the first in a new breed of super-soldier. We are going to win this war because we have the best men. And they, personally, will escort Adolf Hitler to the gates of Hell.

Grenade!

(jumps on grenade scrambling) ............is this a test?

[jumps on grenade scrambling]

What this is?

What is this?

Steak

Steak.

What is in it?

Cow.

How'd you sleep?

I don't know. Had dreams.

Well you got time for 'em now. Anythin' interesting?

They always is to the party concerned.

Ed Tom, I'll be polite.

Alright then. Two of 'em. Both had my father in 'em . It's peculiar. I'm older now then he ever was by twenty years. So in a sense he's the younger man. Anyway, first one I don't remember too well but it was about meeting him in town somewhere, he's gonna give me some money. I think I lost it. The second one, it was like we was both back in older times and I was on horseback goin' through the mountains of a night. Goin' through this pass in the mountains. It was cold and there was snow on the ground and he rode past me and kept on goin'. Never said nothin' goin' by. He just rode on past... and he had his blanket wrapped around him and his head down and when he rode past I seen he was carryin' fire in a horn the way people used to do and I could see the horn from the light inside of it. 'Bout the color of the moon. And in the dream I knew that he was goin' on ahead and he was fixin' to make a fire somewhere out there in all that dark and all that cold, and I knew that whenever I got there he would be there. And then I woke up...

Alright then. Two of 'em. Both had my father in 'em. It's peculiar. I'm older now then he ever was by twenty years. So in a sense he's the younger man. Anyway, first one I don't remember too well but it was about meeting him in town somewhere, he's gonna give me some money. I think I lost it. The second one, it was like we was both back in older times and I was on horseback goin' through the mountains of a night. Goin' through this pass in the mountains. It was cold and there was snow on the ground and he rode past me and kept on goin'. Never said nothin' goin' by. He just rode on past... and he had his blanket wrapped around him and his head down and when he rode past I seen he was carryin' fire in a horn the way people used to do and I could see the horn from the light inside of it. 'Bout the color of the moon. And in the dream I knew that he was goin' on ahead and he was fixin' to make a fire somewhere out there in all that dark and all that cold, and I knew that whenever I got there he would be there. And then I woke up...

Newman, what are you doing?

I'm thinking.

Well, think me up a cup of coffee and a chocolate doughnut with some of those little sprinkles on top, while you're thinking.

You know, Elvis is dead!

You do know Elvis is dead, right?

Elvis isn't dead, he just went home.

No, Elvis is not dead. He just went home.

Look at that? He's making me cry.

Stick a needle in that kid's arm and it's gonna go right through him

Stick a needle in that kids arm and it's gonna go right through him. [watching Steve struggling whilst training with the other new recruits]

I'm not kissing you.

He's still skinny.

Grenade!!!

Grenade!

So, he showed up not dead yet. Let that be a lesson to you boys and girls: don't ever argue with the big dog, big dog is always right.

I didn't kill my wife!

[Holding Gerard at gunpoint] I didn't kill my wife!

I don't care!

I don't care!

I believe I shall go home and make some etouffee.

Were you a contract agent for the CIA?

And if I were do you think I would be sitting here today talking to someone like you?

It's a mess, ain't it Sheriff?

It's a mess, ain't it, sheriff?

If it ain't it'll do til a mess gets here.

If it ain't, it'll do till the mess gets here.

He's still skinny.

Your enemy is not what you expect.

We could make something here. Start out with a crazy plan. Bobby Walker: Start slow and see if it will grow.

We could make something here. Start out with a crazy plan.

Start slow and see if it will grow.

eneral Patton has said that wars are fought with weapons but are won by men. Our goal is to create the greatest army in history. But every army begins with one man. He will be the first in a new breed of super-soldier. We are going to win this war because we have the best men. And they, personally, will escort Adolf Hitler to the gates of Hell.

General Patton has said that wars are fought with weapons but are won by men. Our goal is to create the greatest army in history. But every army begins with one man. He will be the first in a new breed of super-soldier. We are going to win this war because we have the best men. And they, personally, will escort Adolf Hitler to the gates of Hell.