Adam Sandler

Adam Sandler

  • Highest Rated: 94% Uncut Gems (2019)
  • Lowest Rated: 0% The Ridiculous 6 (2015)
  • Birthday: Sep 9, 1966
  • Birthplace: Brooklyn, New York
  • One of the most endearing goofballs to ever grace the stages of Saturday Night Live, affectionately offensive funnyman Adam Sandler has often been cited as the writer/performer who almost single-handedly rescued the long-running late-night television staple when the chips were down and it appeared to have run its course. Though his polarizing antics have divided audiences and critics who often dismiss him as lowbrow and obnoxious, Sandler's films, as well as the films of his Happy Madison production company, have performed consistently well at the box office despite harsh and frequent critical lashings.Born in Brooklyn on September 9th, 1966, it may come as no surprise that Sandler was a shameless class clown who left his classmates in stitches and his teachers with a handful. Never considering to utilize his gift of humor to pursue a career, Sandler eventually realized his potential when at the age of 17 his brother encouraged him to take the stage at an amateur comedy competition. A natural at making the audience laugh, the aspiring comedian nurtured his talents while attending New York University and studying for a Fine Arts Degree. With early appearances on The Cosby Show and the MTV game show Remote Control providing the increasingly busy Sandler with a loyal following, an early feature role coincided with his "discovery" by SNL cast member Dennis Miller at an L.A. comedy club. As the unfortunately named Shecky Moskowitz, his role as a struggling comedian in Going Overboard (1989) served as an interesting parallel to his actual career trajectory but did little to display his true comic talents.It wasn't until SNL producers took Miller's praise to heart and hired the fledgling comic as writer on the program that Sandler's talents were truly set to shine. Frequent appearances as Opera Man and Canteen Boy soon elevated him to player status, and it wasn't long before Sandler was the toast of the SNL cast in the mid-'90s. While appearing in SNL and sharpening his feature skills in such efforts as Shakes the Clown (1991) and Coneheads (1993), Sandler signed a recording contract with Warner Bros., and the release of the Grammy-nominated They're All Gonna Laugh at You proved the most appropriate title imaginable as his career began to soar. Striking an odd balance between tasteless vulgarity and innocent charm, the album found Sandler gaining footing as an artist independent of the SNL universe and fueled his desire -- as numerous cast members had before him -- to strike out on his own. Though those who had attempted a departure for feature fame in the past had met with decidedly mixed results, Sandler's loyal and devoted fan base proved strong supporters of such early solo feature efforts as Billy Madison (1996) and, especially, Happy Gilmore (1996).His mixture of grandma-loving sweetness and pure, unfiltered comedic rage continued with his role as a slow-witted backwoods mama's boy turned football superstar in The Waterboy (1998), and that same year found Sandler expanding his persona to more sensitive territory in The Wedding Singer. Perhaps his most appealing character up to that point, The Wedding Singer's combination of '80s nostalgia and a warmer, more personable persona found increasing support among those who had previously distanced themselves from his polarizing performances. As the decade rolled on, Sandler also appeared in the action-oriented Bulletproof (1996) and the even more affectionate Big Daddy (1999). In 2002, Sandler starred in a re-imagining of Mr. Deeds Goes to Town, titled simply Mr. Deeds.Beginning in the late nineties, Sandler's Happy Madison production company launched such efforts as Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (1999), Little Nicky (2000), The Animal and Joe Dirt (both 2001). Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo appeared in (2005), and Grandma's Boy in (2006). Despite critical castigation for scraping the bottom of the barrel with these efforts, Sandler's commercial instinct remained intact.

Photos

Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

Movies

Rating

Title

Credit

Box
Office

Year

No Score Yet Hotel Transylvania 4 Dracula 2021
94% Uncut Gems Actor 2019
No Score Yet Mistério no Mediterrâneo Actor 2019
45% Murder Mystery Nick Spitz 2019
62% Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation Dracula 2018
90% Adam Sandler: 100% Fresh Actor 2018
27% The Week Of Screenwriter Actor Producer 2018
93% The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected) Actor 2017
27% Sandy Wexler Screenwriter Sandy Wexler 2017
10% The Do-Over Max Kessler Producer 2016
56% Hotel Transylvania 2 Dracula Executive Producer Screenwriter 2015
71% I Am Chris Farley Actor 2015
16% Pixels Screenwriter Producer Sam Brenner $66.5M 2015
5% Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 Producer 2015
9% The Cobbler Max Simkin 2015
0% The Ridiculous 6 Screenwriter 2015
86% Top Five Himself $17.1M 2014
33% Men, Women & Children Don Truby $0.6M 2014
14% Blended Producer Jim 2014
7% Grown Ups 2 Producer Screenwriter Lenny Feder $127.5M 2013
40% Here Comes the Boom Executive Producer $45.3M 2012
44% Hotel Transylvania Dracula Executive Producer $148.3M 2012
20% That's My Boy Producer Donny $37M 2012
No Score Yet Sesame Street: Singing with the Stars Actor 2012
3% Jack and Jill Producer Screenwriter Jack Sadelstein/Jill Sadelstein $74.2M 2011
0% Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star Producer Screenwriter $2.4M 2011
14% Zookeeper Producer Donald the Monkey $80.4M 2011
19% Just Go with It Producer Screenwriter Danny $103.1M 2011
10% Grown Ups Producer Lenny Feder Screenwriter $162.1M 2010
69% Funny People George Simmons Executive Producer $51.9M 2009
No Score Yet The Shortcut Executive Producer 2009
33% Paul Blart: Mall Cop Producer $146.4M 2009
26% Bedtime Stories Skeeter Producer $110M 2008
43% The House Bunny Producer $48.3M 2008
37% You Don't Mess With the Zohan Screenwriter Producer Zohan $100.1M 2008
2% Strange Wilderness Executive Producer $6.6M 2008
14% I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry Producer Chuck Levine $119.8M 2007
64% Reign Over Me Charlie Fineman $19.7M 2007
33% Click Producer Michael Newman $137.4M 2006
11% The Benchwarmers Executive Producer Producer $57.7M 2006
16% Grandma's Boy Executive Producer $6M 2006
9% Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo Producer $22.3M 2005
31% The Longest Yard Paul `Wrecking' Crewe Executive Producer $158M 2005
53% Spanglish John Clasky $42.1M 2004
45% 50 First Dates Henry Roth $120.8M 2004
No Score Yet Late Night With Conan O'Brien - 10th Anniversary Special Actor 2004
23% Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star Producer Executive Producer $22.8M 2003
42% Anger Management Executive Producer Dave Buznik $133.8M 2003
57% Pauly Shore Is Dead Actor 2003
No Score Yet Couch Actor 2003
67% Stupidity Actor 2003
22% The Hot Chick Bongo Player Executive Producer 2002
12% Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights Davey/Whitey/Eleanore/Deer Producer $23.4M 2002
80% Punch-Drunk Love Barry Egan $17.9M 2002
1% The Master of Disguise Executive Producer $40.5M 2002
22% Mr. Deeds Longfellow Deeds Executive Producer $126.3M 2002
30% The Animal Executive Producer Townie 2001
11% Joe Dirt Executive Producer $27.1M 2001
22% Little Nicky Executive Producer Screenwriter Nicky $38.6M 2000
22% Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo Actor Executive Producer 1999
40% Big Daddy Sonny Koufax Screenwriter Executive Producer 1999
No Score Yet Saturday Night Live: The Best of Adam Sandler Actor 1999
No Score Yet Saturday Night Live - Game Show Parodies Actor 1999
35% The Waterboy Executive Producer Screenwriter Bobby Boucher 1998
17% Dirty Work Satan (uncredited) 1998
68% The Wedding Singer Robbie Hart 1998
8% Bulletproof Archie Moses 1996
61% Happy Gilmore Happy Gilmore Screenwriter 1996
40% Billy Madison Billy Madison Screenwriter 1995
10% Mixed Nuts Louie 1994
21% Airheads Pip 1994
35% Coneheads Carmine 1993
38% Shakes the Clown Dink 1992
No Score Yet Going Overboard Schecky Moskowitz 1989

TV

Rating

Title

Credit

Year

No Score Yet Late Night With Seth Meyers
2014
Guest
  • 2019
  • 2015
No Score Yet The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
2014
Guest
  • 2019
  • 2018
  • 2017
  • 2016
  • 2015
  • 2014
No Score Yet Saturday Night Live
1975
Host Performer
  • 2019
  • 2018
  • 2005
  • 1995
  • 1994
  • 1993
  • 1992
  • 1991
  • 1990
  • 1989
No Score Yet Variety Studio: Actors on Actors
2015
Guest
  • 2018
No Score Yet Jimmy Kimmel Live
2003
Guest
  • 2018
  • 2017
  • 2015
  • 2014
  • 2010
No Score Yet The Graham Norton Show
2007
Guest
  • 2017
No Score Yet The Late Late Show With James Corden
2015
Guest
  • 2017
  • 2016
No Score Yet The Ellen DeGeneres Show
2003
Guest
  • 2017
  • 2014
No Score Yet Conan
2010
Guest
  • 2017
  • 2016
  • 2015
  • 2014
  • 2013
  • 2012
  • 2011
  • 2010
No Score Yet Charlie Rose
2013-2017
Guest
  • 2017
  • 2004
28% Kevin Can Wait
2016-2018
Jimmy
  • 2016
No Score Yet The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson
2005-2014
Guest
  • 2015
No Score Yet Chelsea Lately
2007-2014
Guest
  • 2014
No Score Yet Late Show With David Letterman
1993-2015
Guest
  • 2014
No Score Yet The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
1992-2014
Guest
  • 2014
  • 2013
  • 2011
  • 2007
  • 2002
No Score Yet Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives
2007
Guest
  • 2013
No Score Yet Jessie
2011-2015
Himself
  • 2013
No Score Yet MTV First
2011-2014
Appearing
  • 2013
No Score Yet Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
2009-2014
Guest
  • 2013
  • 2011
  • 2010
No Score Yet Cupcake Wars
2010-2016
Appearing
  • 2012
56% Breaking In
2011-2012
Executive Producer Producer
  • 2012
  • 2011
No Score Yet Dr. Phil
2002
Guest
  • 2011
No Score Yet The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
1999-2015
Guest
  • 2011
  • 2007
  • 2006
No Score Yet Sesame Street
1969
Appearing
  • 2010
72% American Idol
2002-2016
Appearing
  • 2008
No Score Yet The King of Queens
1998-2007
Jeff
  • 2007
93% Undeclared
2001-2002
Himself
  • 2001
No Score Yet The Chris Rock Show
1997-2000
Guest
  • 2000
  • 1997
100% The Larry Sanders Show
1992-1998
  • 1993
No Score Yet The Cosby Show
1984-1992
Smitty
  • 1988
  • 1987
No Score Yet Rules of Engagement
2007-2013
Executive Producer Producer

QUOTES FROM Adam Sandler CHARACTERS

Max Kessler
You always have to have a condom in your wallet and an umbrella in your trunk because you never know when you’re gonna fuck in the rain.
Max Kessler
You always have to have a condom in your wallet and an umbrella in your trunk because you never know when you're gonna fuck in the rain.
Dracula
[Imitating Mavis] Dad, it's not a fang. Dad I don't think this is the right place for Dennis, right Johnny? [Intimidating Johnny] Oh hey dudeman, it's not me is Mavy. Hey dudeman, I'm afraid to say anything! Hey Dudeman. I'm a Dudeman!
Dracula
Dad, it's not a fang. Dad I don't think this is the right place for Dennis, right Johnny? Oh hey dudeman, it's not me is Mavy. Hey dudeman, I'm afraid to say anything! Hey Dudeman. I'm a Dudeman!
Frankenstein
Uh.. Drac? Who.. who you talking to?
Shrunken Heads
Do not disturb, The count's wigging out in here!
Nicky
Popeye's chicken is fuckin' awesome!
Jimmy the Demon
You were gone 10 seconds, what happened?
Nicky
I got hit by a bright light attached to a lot of metal.
Satan
That's a train, son, don't stand in front of them.
Sam Brenner
Oh, God no!
Lt. Col. Violet Van Patten
"Oh, God no!" What?
Lt. Col. Violet Van Patten
Oh, God no what?
Ludlow Lamonsoff
He ate the power pellet. That means Pac-Man has only ten seconds before he eats us!
Sam Brenner
I'm Donkey Kong Champion of the world.
Lt. Col. Violet Van Patten
And the Donkey Kong Champion of the world doesn't need patterns.
Sam Brenner
Reset button!
Rita
Is there a girl you're seein?
Bobby Boucher
Seein? I see a lot of girls... I see a lot of guys too.
Rita
I think that's sexy. You ever been with a guy and a girl at the same time?
Eddie "The Fire Blaster" Plant
Guards, get me outta here! It's that mean Centipede killer! I hope he don't zap me with his space gun!
Sam Brenner
How are you, Eddie?
Eddie "The Fire Blaster" Plant
Sup, Second Place? Oh, and your sidekick here! Presidonut! I didn't know you could have an approval rating so "catatastrophic!"
Old Man
Koufax is a good egg, he was nice to that kid but he fights like a girl. You like that? I'm right here miss what are you gonna do about it hahahaha.
Sonny Koufax
What are you drunk Mr Herlihy?
Old Man
Well, I-I had a few chardonnays, what of it?
Sonny Koufax
Get off the stand please.
Old Man
You got it. Got a few problems.
Ramon
My mother's Swedish
Tommy
I don't think so. I reckon she's Mexican.
Ramon
Lying bitch.
Max Simkin
"i sincerely wish to commit suicide in front of my family"
Max Simkin
I sincerely wish to commit suicide in front of my family.
Sam Brenner
Pac-Man's a bad guy?
Sam Brenner
I've been waiting to do this since 1982.
Sam Brenner
Are you OK?
Lt. Col. Violet Van Patten
I'm sitting in my closet and drinking chardonnay from a sippy cup. Do I look OK?
Sam Brenner
I'm gonna say no.
O'Doyle (Grade 1)
Mortal Kombat on the Sega Genesis. It's the best video game ever.
Billy Madison
I disagree, it's a very good game but I think Donkey Kong is the best game ever.
O'Doyle (Grade 1)
Donkey Kong sucks!
Billy Madison
You know something? You suck!
Dracula
I've got to fix this kid, now!
Dracula
We have to teach this kid how to be a monster.
Dracula
Oh, he'll get his fangs, he's just like me...just look at him!
Dracula
I've been the happiest vampire in the world!
Sam Brenner
Did you play space invaders recently?
Ludlow Lamonsoff
Yes. How did you know?/Why?
Ludlow Lamonsoff
Yes. How did you know? Why?
Sam Brenner
Cuz you're invading my space. Back off.
Sam Brenner
Also known as
Ludlow Lamonsoff
Your worst nightmare!
Sam Brenner
Why...
Ludlow Lamonsoff
I believe that some alien life force sent down sent down real life video games to attack us.
Sam Brenner
That makes sense.
Sam Brenner
Pac Man's a bad guy?
Happy Gilmore
Green jacket, gold jacket who gives a crap?
Danny
You dropped your purse.
Joanna Damon
Can I sit for ten seconds without getting hit on? Thank you.
Danny
I was just letting you know you dropped your purse.
Madam Mambuza
Will you stop banging those drums!
Salesman
I'm sorry. I'm just really getting into your story.
Michael Newman
Your dad's stereo blows? That's too bad.
Kevin O'Doyle
That's not what I said. That's not what I said!!!!
Samantha Newman
Daddy how much longer are you gonna live?
Michael Newman
One minute...
Samantha Newman
One minute! Daddy not one minute!
Michael Newman
Oh no I'm not dying. I'm gonna live for 200 years. Is that enough for you and me?
Michael Newman
Hey! There are families here! Show some respect you pieces of shit!
Firecracker Teen
Shut up old man!
Michael Newman
Don't light another damn one!
Firecracker Teen
Ooooh!!!!
Donna Newman
She has so many problems why do you have to be so mean?
Michael Newman
I don't know. I mean, hello?
Janine
You know way too much about me. I never should've done that Montel Williams show.
Michael Newman
Even Montel Williams thought you were crazy and he's seen a lot of shit.
Janine
I was desperate for companionship. All of my husbands emotionally abandoned me.
Michael Newman
They went to work. You had sex with their unemployed brothers. Your a horn dog.
Donna Newman
Michael!
Michael Newman
Samantha? Since when did you get boobs?
Samantha at 14 Years Old
Same time you did dad.
Davey Stone
Smell ya later, poopsicle!
Whitey Duvall
Technical foul!
Michael Newman
Cool. I can skip chapters!
Michael Newman
Cool. I can skip chapters!
Michael Newman
Cool. I can skip chapters!
Barry Egan
I laugh. I laugh and laugh, even when I'm alone.
Professor
Well! Mama's wrong again!
Bobby Boucher
No, You're wrong Colonel Sanders.
Barry Egan
I didn't ask for a shrink, that must've been somebody else. Also, that pudding isn't mine. Also, I'm wearing this suit today because I had a very important meeting this morning, and I don't have a crying problem.
Barry Egan
You can go to places in the world with pudding. That's funny.
Barry Egan
At that restaurant, I beat up the bathroom. I'm sorry.
Barry Egan
I'm lookin' at your face and I just wanna smash it. I just wanna fuckin' smash it with a sledgehammer and squeeze it. You're so pretty.
Lena Leonard
I want to chew your face and I want to scoop out your eyes and I want to eat them and chew them and suck on them.
Barry Egan
Ok. This is funny. This is nice.
Barry Egan
I don't know if there is anything wrong, because I don't know how other people are.
Barry Egan
I didn't do anything. I'm a nice man. I mind my own business. So you tell me that's that, before I beat the hell from you.
Donny
Who the fuck is rich in this house?
Happy Gilmore
uh oh happy learned how to putt
Happy Gilmore
Uh oh, Happy learned how to putt.
Dracula
what my hand in a stan shoes?
Dracula
What my hand in a stan shoes?
Jonathan
what japan eating lamb stew?
Jonathan
What japan eating lamb stew?
Lenny Feder
Open the window.
Dracula
Human blood is so fatty and you never know where its been.
Happy Gilmore
The price is wrong, bitch.
Charlie Fineman
"I'm more worried about you, Johnson. I'm more worried about you."
Charlie Fineman
I'm more worried about you, Johnson. I'm more worried about you.
Dracula
I always thought the worst thing ever would be seeing you go, but the worst is seeing you unhappy.
Billy Madison
WHERE'S MY SNACK PACK?!
Billy Madison
Where's my snack pack!
Juanita
I thought I was yo snack pack??
Juanita
I thought I was your snack pack?
Longfellow Deeds
I got wicked bad frost bite when I was in the scouts. Check it out.
Longfellow Deeds
You said that you didn't know who I was, and it made me realize... I don't know who I am. So I started working on it, and here's what I've got so far: My name is Babe Bennett. I grew up in Sayasset, Long Island. I have brown eyes and I don't know what my natural hair colour is anymore. When I was in fifth grade, I got a crush on Walter Kronkite, and... and I really did have that Holly Hobby notebook I was telling you about. I love Bruce Springsteen, Allman Roka and Abbott and Costello movies. I don't like liquorice, or my ankles. Most importantly, I know that I messed up real bad, and I'd be willing to spend the rest of my life begging you to give me another chance, because I am so deeply in love with you, and I know that it's definitely that forever kind of love that...
Longfellow Deeds
You said that you didn't know who I was and it made me realize, I don't know who I am. So I started working on it and here's what I've got so far; My name is Babe Bennett. I grew up in Sayasset, Long Island. I have brown eyes and I don't know what my natural hair color is anymore. When I was in fifth grade, I got a crush on Walter Kronkite and I really did have that Holly Hobby notebook I was telling you about. I love Bruce Springsteen, Allman Roka. and Abbott and Costello movies. I don't like liquorice or my ankles. Most importantly, I know that I messed up real bad and I'd be willing to spend the rest of my life begging you to give me another chance because I am so deeply in love with you and I know that it's definitely that forever kind of love.
Longfellow Deeds
You're crazy. You have beautiful ankles.
Longfellow Deeds
Oh, I get it... You all invited me here so you could look down on me. Well, let me tell you that here you may all laugh at me, but down in Mandrake Falls we would laugh at you all.
Longfellow Deeds
Oh, I get it.You all invited me here so you could look down on me. Well, let me tell you that here you may all laugh at me, but down in Mandrake Falls we would laugh at you all.
Longfellow Deeds
You didn't really fall out of an apple tree, did you?
Longfellow Deeds
Don't be nervous, go ahead. Didn't feel it. Isn't that awesome. Oh, yeah, enjoy the force. I know you're starting to like it aren't ya? You sick! You sick! Why would you do that to me? I'm just kidding you, pal.
Longfellow Deeds
I can't run a company... I can't even run my own life!
Longfellow Deeds
I can't run a company. I can't even run my own life!
Babe Bennett
I'm of Swedish ancestry.
Longfellow Deeds
Really?
Babe Bennett
Yes. My grandfather was in ABBA.
Longfellow Deeds
I promise to love you for fifty years more / Even when your bosoms sag down to the floor.
Longfellow Deeds
I promise to love you for fifty years more. Even when your bosoms sag down to the floor.
Longfellow Deeds
How did I get into these pajamas?
Emilio
I changed you. I was very gentle, sir.
Longfellow Deeds
Oh, no. They're gonna know my name is Longfellow.
Longfellow Deeds
Ma'am, you were just the victim of a New York City mugger. As I suspected, he was a coward and a weakling, and also wore more cologne than any man should wear.
Jan
I always wanted to be a man!
Longfellow Deeds
Okay, well I guess that explains a lot...
Longfellow Deeds
Okay, well I guess that explains a lot.
Longfellow Deeds
So how is the elevator business treating you, Reuben?
Reuben
Oh, it has its ups and downs.
Longfellow Deeds
Holy shit. Let's get cracking.
Longfellow Deeds
Yeah I bet you know what it's like to get all riled up Johnny Mac.
Longfellow Deeds
How you doin', pal? I got your pizza for you, just the way you like it.
Crazy Eyes
Oh, yes. French Fries and Oreos, you know me all too well, Deeds.
Longfellow Deeds
It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.
Longfellow Deeds
Bu-bu-bu-bu-bullshit!
Palmer
[finds wedding ring in Danny's bag] What's this?
Danny
A circle?
Palmer
I can't wait to Twitter this to all my friends.
Katherine
Oh, I forgot, you're 15. [Danny accidentally kicks Palmer with the intention of kicking Katherine]
Palmer
Ouch! Did you just kick me?
Danny
No I did not. Did you just kick her? Why did you kick her?
Brian Madison
Oh Billy, Billy boy, when are you going to find whatever it is you are looking for?
Billy Madison
Here's a nice piece of shit!
Veronica
Quiet. So let's all open our "Reading Is Fun" books to page sixty nine.
Billy Madison
Sixty nine!
Veronica
Don't you think it's a little pathetic that just because of who your is Father, you get to do school all over again?
Veronica
Don't you think it's a little pathetic that just because of who your father is, you get to do school all over again?
Billy Madison
Yes, I do.
Brian Madison
Billy, could you step in here a moment? I have big news.
Billy Madison
ERIC, IS PREGNANT?
Billy Madison
ERIC IS PREGNANT?
Billy Madison
I don't know. I kinda feel like an idiot sometimes. Although I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.
Billy Madison
I swear to God I'm sick. I can't go to school.
Juanita
If you're gonna stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.
Billy Madison
Oh my God. I'll go to school.
Bobby Boucher
Mama, when did Ben Franklin invent electricity?
Mama Boucher
That's nonsense, I invented electricity. Ben Franklin is the Devil!
Bobby Boucher
Excuse me, ladies, while I just go hang myself.
Mama Boucher
Bobby, deh ever catch dat gorilla that busted outa da zoo and punched you in da eye?
Bobby Boucher
No Mama, the search continues.
Bobby Boucher
And I like Vicki, and she like me back! And she showed me her boobies and I like them too!
Jonathan
Are these monster gonna kill me?
Dracula
Not as long as they think you're a monster.
Jonathan
That's kinda of racist.
Dracula
Good morning Mavey Wavey!
Lenny Feder
Are you peeing or is a diesel truck turning off? What the hell is that?
Marcus Higgins
Can you have sex with them when they're pregnant?
Lenny Feder
Well, McKenzie can because the baby thinks it's getting a Tootsie roll.
Lenny Feder
Where is Sascatchatoon?
Marcus Higgins
Hey, what's up, Lenny? Buddy, I thought you were gonna start working out.
Lenny Feder
What does that mean?
Marcus Higgins
Um... you're fat.
Robbie Hart
But the worst thing is: that Me, Fatty, Sideburns Lady, and the mutants over at Table 9, will never ever find a way to better the situation, because apparently we have nothing to offer the opposite sex.
Robbie Hart
Hey, psycho - we're not gonna discuss this, OK, it's over. Please get out of my Van Halen t-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.
Robbie Hart
I don't even know your last name.
Glen Gulia
It's Guglia. [says it Gulia]
Robbie Hart
Guglia? Oh, so Julia's last name's gonna be Guglia. Julia Guglia! That's funny!
Glen Gulia
[unamused] Why is that funny?
Robbie Hart
I - don't know.
Davey Stone
*singing* if i make fun of your crazy feet, or give sugar cookies to Miss Diabetes
Whitey Duvall
*singing* That's not only a technical foul...but possibly a homicide
Michael Newman
What is this a porno or something? Is that my parents?!
Morty
They're making you. Like bunny rabbits.
Michael Newman
Get me outta here!
Donny
I don't think Charlie Sheen would understand what's going on here.
Donny
I don't think Charlie Sheen would understand what's going on here.
Jill Sadelstein
(to Otto) You don't look homeless to me, you're fat! You're Al Quida!
Jill Sadelstein
[to Otto] You don't look homeless to me, you're fat! You're Al Quida!
Donny
Awww come on Vanilla bean latte...
Dracula
Sheep!
Griffin the Invisible Man
[After driving through the forest] Woo High Five, Don't Leave Me Hangin'!
Dracula
Ahh.. Lots of sheep!
Wayne
I Got This One! [He then leaps out of the car, Then the sound of garbling up is heard as Wayne then returns to the car, burping up wool]
Wayne
[Everyone looks at Wayne after the see a sheep-less road with some disgust] What, Now there's no sheep on the road. Let's Go!
Murray
That was pretty sick man!
Wayne
You Eat Lamb Chops, It's The Same Thing!