Jesse Eisenberg

Jesse Eisenberg

  • Highest Rated: 100% The World Before Your Feet (2018)
  • Lowest Rated: 17% Cursed (2005)
  • Birthday: Oct 5, 1983
  • Birthplace: New York, New York, USA
  • Born in Queens and raised in New Jersey, actor Jesse Eisenberg first made an impression on filmgoers as an awkward teen whose uncle leads him on a lusty tour of Manhattan in director Dylan Kidd's award-winning indie Roger Dodger. Though Eisenberg had previously appeared on the Fox drama Get Real and as a storm-chasing teen in the made-for-television drama Lightning: Fire from the Sky, it was Roger Dodger that marked his entrance as a dramatic actor. While subsequent roles in M. Night Shyamalan's The Village and the Wes Craven werewolf fiasco Cursed may have offered Eisenberg little chance to display his dramatic prowess on camera, a more substantial role as a teen whose parents are divorcing in The Squid and the Whale found Eisenberg singled out for praise at both The Gotham Awards and The Independent Spirit Awards. The following years would see Eisenberg climbing the rungs in smaller films like The Education of Charlie Banks, The Hunting Party, and Boys Don't Leave, but his breakthrough came in 2009 with a leading role opposite Kristen Stewart in the period comedy-drama Adventureland. He would soon follow this critically acclaimed hit with a movie that impressed critics and audiences alike, the 2010 horror-comedy Zombieland, in which the actor played the unlikely survivor of a zombie apocalypse. Fast becomming a household name, Eisenberg found an even better vehicle for his talents playing the leading role in the 2010 Oscar contender The Social Network. Playing real life Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, Eisenberg was nominated for a host of awards, including an Oscar and a Golden Globe. The following year, the actor signed on to play another character based on a real person, this time with the bizarre comedy 30 Minutes or Less, about a pizza delivery guy forced to commit a bank robbery. He voiced the lead role in the animated film Rio, and in 2012 had a brief turn in the indie comedy Free Samples.

Photos

Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

Movies

Rating

Title

Credit

Box
Office

Year

No Score Yet Now You See Me 3 J. Daniel Atlas 2020
69% Zombieland: Double Tap Columbus 2019
84% The Art of Self-Defense Casey 2019
57% The Hummingbird Project Vincent Zaleski 2019
100% The World Before Your Feet Executive Producer 2018
71% Café Society Bobby $11.1M 2016
34% Now You See Me 2 J. Daniel Atlas $65.1M 2016
73% Louder Than Bombs Jonah Reed 2016
28% Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice Lex Luthor $293.8M 2016
43% American Ultra Mike Howell 2015
91% The End Of The Tour David Lipsky 2015
86% Night Moves Josh 2014
83% The Double Simon James/James Simon $0.6M 2014
48% Rio 2 Blu $113.7M 2014
No Score Yet Rio 2 Sing-Along Actor 2014
50% Now You See Me J. Daniel Atlas $117.7M 2013
63% Free Samples Tex 2013
No Score Yet Alpha and Omega 2: A Howl-iday Adventure Stinky 2013
25% Why Stop Now? Actor $2.1K 2012
46% To Rome with Love Jack $16.6M 2012
44% 30 Minutes or Less Nick $37.2M 2011
72% Rio Blu $143.7M 2011
96% The Social Network Mark Zuckerberg $96.5M 2010
No Score Yet Camp Hell (Camp Hope) Daniel 2010
50% The Living Wake Mills Joquin $12.6K 2010
78% Solitary Man Daniel Cheston $4.4M 2010
52% Holy Rollers Sam Gold $0.4M 2010
90% Zombieland Columbus $75.6M 2009
88% Adventureland James Brennan $16M 2009
48% The Education of Charlie Banks Charlie 2009
54% The Hunting Party Benjamin $0.8M 2007
No Score Yet One Day Like Rain Mark 2007
93% The Squid and the Whale Walt Berkman $7.1M 2005
17% Cursed Jimmy 2005
43% The Village Jamison $114.2M 2004
50% The Emperor's Club Louis Masoudi $14M 2002
88% Roger Dodger Nick $1.2M 2002
No Score Yet Lightning: Fire from the Sky Eric Dobbs 2001

TV

Rating

Title

Credit

Year

No Score Yet Late Night With Seth Meyers
2014
Guest
  • 2019
  • 2018
  • 2016
  • 2015
No Score Yet The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
2014
Guest
  • 2019
  • 2016
  • 2015
  • 2014
No Score Yet Penn & Teller: Fool Us
2014
Appearing
  • 2016
No Score Yet Conan
2010
Guest
  • 2016
  • 2015
  • 2013
  • 2010
No Score Yet The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
2015
Guest
  • 2015
86% Modern Family
2009
Asher
  • 2014
No Score Yet Late Show With David Letterman
1993-2015
Guest
  • 2014
  • 2013
  • 2011
No Score Yet Saturday Night Live
1975
Host
  • 2011
No Score Yet The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
1992-2014
Guest
  • 2011
No Score Yet Last Call With Carson Daly
2007
Guest
  • 2010
No Score Yet Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
2009-2014
Guest
  • 2010
  • 2009
80% Get Real
1999-2000
Kenny Green
  • 2000
  • 1999

QUOTES FROM Jesse Eisenberg CHARACTERS

Roger Swanson
You can't sell a product without first making people feel bad.
Nick
Why not?
Roger Swanson
Because it's a substitution game. You have to remind them that they're missing something from their lives. Everyone's missing something, right?
Nick
I guess.
Roger Swanson
Trust me. And when they're feeling sufficiently incomplete, you convince them your product is the only thing that can fill the void. So instead of taking steps to deal with their lives, instead of working to root out the real reason for their misery, they go out and buy a stupid looking pair of cargo pants.
Lex Luthor
"We know better now that devils don't come from the hell beneath us, They come the sky."
Lex Luthor
We know better now that devils don't come from the hell beneath us, They come the sky.
Lex Luthor
We know better now that devils don't come from the hell beneath us, They come from the sky.
Lex Luthor
We know better now that devils don't come from the hell beneath us, They from come the sky.
Lex Luthor
We know better now that devils don't come from the hell beneath us, they come from the sky.
Lex Luthor
And now God bends to my will.
Lex Luthor
You don't need to forge a silver bullet. But if you do, you don't need to depend on the kindness of monsters.
Jonah Reed
The truth? What is the truth?
Jonah Reed
Do you ever think about mom? Do you ever think about the car accident?
Lois Lane
You are psychotic
Lois Lane
You are psychotic.
Lex Luthor
That is a 3 syllable word for any thought too big for little minds
Lex Luthor
That is a 3 syllable word for any thought too big for little minds.
Lex Luthor
And now, you will fly to him, and you will battle him.. To the death... Black and blue, Fight Night!, The greatest gladiator match in the history of the world... God vs. Man.. Day vs. Night.. Son of Krypton vs. Bat of gotham!
Lex Luthor
And now, you will fly to him, and you will battle him...to the death. Black and blue, fight night! The greatest gladiator match in the history of the world. God vs. Man. Day vs. night. Son of Krypton vs. bat of Gotham!
Lex Luthor
Ancient Kryptonian Deformity! Blood of my blood! Born to destroy you... your Doomsday.
Lex Luthor
Ancient Kryptonian deformity! Blood of my blood! Born to destroy you... your doomsday.
Lex Luthor
You're going to be in the hot seat in there.
Senator Finch
I was raised on the farm. I know how to wrangle a pig.
Lex Luthor
You want to know the oldest lie in America, Senator? It's that power can be innocent.
Janitor
Where you going?
Simon James/James Simon
Fuck off!
Janitor
Oh hey, James
Lex Luthor
The red capes are coming! The red capes are coming!
Mike Howell
I just killed two people. I just took a spoon and pushed it through him. I swear to god I'm going to piss my pants Phoebe, I swear to god I'm going to piss my pants.
Simon James/James Simon
I don't know how to be myself. It's like I'm permanently outside myself. Like, like you could push your hands straight through me if you wanted to. And I can see the type of man I want to be versus the type of man I actually am and I know that I'm doing it but I'm incapable of what needs to be done. I'm like Pinocchio, a wooden boy. Not a real boy. And it kills me.
Lex Luthor
Do you know the oldest lie in America, Senator? Devils don't come from Hell beneath us. They come from the sky.
Lex Luthor
Do you know the oldest lie in America, Senator? It's that power can be innocent.
James Simon
You can't be doing anything gay. No ice cream cones.
Simon James
But I like ice cream.
James Simon
Of course you do, it's delicious. Ice cream is fine in a cup, but in a cone it's gay, unless you're with a woman at the time.
Simon James
Anything else?
James Simon
Riding in a motorcicle with another man. The only exceptions are: drive-by shootings, bomb-throwings and purse snatchings. Anything else is gay.
J. Daniel Atlas
The closer you think you are, the less you'll actually see.
Jewel
You're the only one for me, Blu.
Blu
Good, because I am the only one for you.
Blu
That's a good thing, since I'm the only other one.
Blu
We are going to the Amazon...yay!
Pedro
Like, the website?
Humphrey
How the hell did you two find us?
Stinky
I sniffed you out!
Kate
Great! That's what we need!
Columbus
Yeah, I shave every morning but sometimes by like 4:30 I'll have a thing. I mean, I know it's called a five o'clock shadow but sometimes I'll get it prematurely.
Dylan Rhodes
I will be all over you like
Dylan Rhodes
I will be all over you like...
J. Daniel Atlas
like white on rice
J. Daniel Atlas
..like white on rice.
Blu
That human has given me love and affection for the past 15 years while my own kind try to strangle me after 15 seconds.
Merritt McKinney
When i first me you, i thought you were kind of a...dick.
Merritt McKinney
When I first me you, I thought you were kind of a dick.
J. Daniel Atlas
I'm touched.
Merritt McKinney
Yeah.Just from the heart.
Merritt McKinney
Yeah. Just from the heart.
J. Daniel Atlas
Well,I didnt tell you where i was touched.
J. Daniel Atlas
Well, I didn't tell you where I was touched.
Merritt McKinney
Oh.You!..
Merritt McKinney
Oh. You!
Columbus
Don't let them catch you with your pants down.
J. Daniel Atlas
I can do that trick 52 ways.
Atlas Groupie
Can you do 52 tricks on me?
J. Daniel Atlas
I'll see what I can do.
J. Daniel Atlas
What is magic? Focused deception. But deception meant to entertain.
Henley Reeves
If, after the last year, we spend the next 20 years in jail, I--
J. Daniel Atlas
I know. Me too.
Merritt McKinney
That's too sentimental for me.
J. Daniel Atlas
Rule #1 of magic, always be the smartest guy in the room.
J. Daniel Atlas
The closer you look the less you see.
Columbus
[a zombie is crushed by a falling piano] Poor flat bastard.
Columbus
Poor flat bastard.
Columbus
The first rule of Zombieland; Cardio. When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go, for obvious reasons... were the fatties.
Columbus
The first rule of Zombieland; Cardio. When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go, for obvious reasons were the fatties.
Mark Zuckerberg
You know, you really don't need a forensics team to get to the bottom of this. If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you'd have invented Facebook.
Mark Zuckerberg
Do you realize that you jeopardized the entire company? Do you realize that your actions have destroyed everything I've been working on?
Eduardo Saverin
We have been working on.
Mark Zuckerberg
Without money, the site can't function. Let me tell you difference between Facebook and everybody else. We don't crash ever! If the serves are down for even a day, our entire reputation is irreversibly destroyed.
Eduardo Saverin
Look...
Mark Zuckerberg
Users are fickle. Friendster has proved that. Even a few people leaving would reverberate through the entire use base. The users are interconnected. That is the whole point. College kids are online because their friends are online. and if one domino goes, the other dominos go. Don't you get that? I'm not going back to the Caribbean Night at A-E-Pi!
Marilyn Delpy
You must really hate the Winklevosses
Mark Zuckerberg
I don't hate anybody. The Winklevi aren't suing for intellectual property theft they are suing because for the first time in their lives, things didn't work out the way they were supposed to for them.
Ad Executive
Mr. Zuckerburg, I'm in charge of security for all computers on the Harvard Network and I can assure you of its sophistication. In fact it was that very level of sophistication that led us to you in less than four hours.
Mark Zuckerberg
Four hours?
Ad Executive
Yes sir.
Mark Zuckerberg
That would be impressive, except if you had known what you were looking for you would have seen it on my dorm room window.
Ad Board Chairwoman
Before we begin with our questioning, you're allowed to make a statement. Would you like to do so?
Mark Zuckerberg
Uh...I've...you know...[stands] I've already apologized in the Crimson to the ABHW, to Fuerza Latina and to any women at Harvard who might have been insulted as I take it that they were.As for any charges stemming from the breach of security, I believe I deserve some recognition from this board.
Ad Board Chairwoman
I'm sorry?
Mark Zuckerberg
Yes?
Ad Board Chairwoman
I don't understand.
Mark Zuckerberg
Which part?
Mark Zuckerberg
Let the hacking begin
Mark Zuckerberg
Let the hacking begin.
Mark Zuckerberg
If you were the inventors of Facebook. you would've invented Facebook
Mark Zuckerberg
People came to Facemash in a stampede, right?
Eduardo Saverin
[shivering] Yeah...
Mark Zuckerberg
But it wasn't because they saw pictures of hot girls. You can go anywhere on the Internet and see pictures of hot girls.
Mark Zuckerberg
It's because they saw pictures of girls that they knew. People want to go on the Internet and check out their friends so why not build a website that offers that? Friends, pictures, profiles, whatever you can visit, browse around, maybe it's someone you just met at a party. I'm not talking about a dating site. I'm talking about taking the entire social experience of college and putting it online.
Eduardo Saverin
I can't feel my legs...
Mark Zuckerberg
I know. I'm totally psyched about this too.
Columbus
You almost knocked over your alcohol with your knife.
Columbus
[after his neighbor changes into a zombie] You see? You just can't trust anyone. The first girl I let into my life and she tries to eat me.
Mark Zuckerberg
I don't want friends.
Columbus
[Enters the car with Tallahassee] You know,you really should buckle up.
Columbus
[Enters the car with Tallahassee] You know, you really should buckle up.
Tallahassee
[Leaves without putting on the seatbelt] I can tell already, your gonna get on my nerves.
Columbus
For obvious reasons, the first ones to go, were the fatties.
Eduardo Saverin
25 minutes late!
Mark Zuckerberg
He founded Napster when he was 19, he can be late.
Eduardo Saverin
He's not a god
Mark Zuckerberg
Then what is he?
Eduardo Saverin
He's 25 minutes late.
Columbus
Remember mad cow diease, well mad cow diease became mad person diease witch became mad zombie diease, it's a fast acting virus witch left you angry, crazy, and with a strong case of the munches...
Em Lewin
Wow.
James Brennan
Hi. I just got off the bus. I'm a New Yorker now. I guess I should probably buy an umbrella.
Em Lewin
I don't think I can see you.
James Brennan
What?
Em Lewin
This summer was rough. I did things that I really, really regret.
James Brennan
Yeah, me too. I'm sorry I told Lisa P. about you and Connell. She told the rest of the world, but I'm not gonna lie. I was really angry at you but you didn't deserve that.
Em Lewin
You know, James, I am so sorry for fucking this up. You were the only good thing that happened this summer. [starts to walk away]
James Brennan
Wait, Em! I think I maybe see you a little differently than you see yourself. Yes I see the person who fucked up, but I also see the person who saved me from being knifed over a giant-ass panda, who introduced me to psychotropic chocolate-chip cookies, who stood up for Joel, and who doesn't make apologies for herself. Look, my theory is you can't just avoid everybody you screw up with. And you should trust me, I'm a New Yorker.
James Brennan
Look, am I gonna get in trouble? No one's ever supposed to lose a giant-ass panda.
Em Lewin
Is it worth getting knifed over?
James Brennan
No. Hi, I'm James Brennan. I just started.
Em Lewin
Em, nice to meet you. Sucks you're gonna lose your job your second day, James.
James Brennan
No. Shit! I need this job.
Em Lewin
I'm kidding.You're okay. I'll tell Bobby you lost the panda at knife point.
James Brennan
Who's that?
Em Lewin
It's my stepmom. I don't think there's any pictures of my mom in here. She died two years ago.
James Brennan
Really? I'm sorry.
Em Lewin
My dad remarried last year. That's Francy. You see that unholy abomination on her head? It's a wig.
James Brennan
Is it?
Em Lewin
She had, like, a nervous breakdown when her first husband divorced her. Lost all her hair. I would feel bad if she wasn't such a status-obsessed witch.
Em Lewin
(referring to her step-mom) I can't believe my dad wants to be with that. Do you want to hear something fucked up?
Em Lewin
[referring to her step-mom] I can't believe my dad wants to be with that. Do you want to hear something fucked up?
James Brennan
What?
Em Lewin
When my mom first started getting, like, really sick my dad starts going to temple. He's never been serious about his faith. But he decided to buddy up to God like he thought it was going to help save my mom. And that's where he met Francy. My mom loses her hair in chemo and my dad starts fucking a bald woman. It's just weird.
James Brennan
I think somebody was trying to write "Satan Lives" on that wall but they spelled it "Satin Lives".
James Brennan
I think somebody was trying to write 'Satan Lives' on that wall but they spelled it 'Satin Lives'.
Em Lewin
One of those textile worshiping cults no doubt.
Em Lewin
One of those textile worshiping cults no doubt.
Columbus
You should actually, limber up as well especially, if you're going down that hill its very important.
Tallahassee
I don't believe in it. You ever seen a lion limber up before taking down a gazelle?
Columbus
Woulda? Coulda? Shoulda?
Columbus
It's amazing how quickly thing can go from 'bad' to 'total shit-storm'.
Columbus
I'm just kind of like a Sancho Panza character.
Sean Parker
Did you know this is where they filmed The Towering Inferno?
Mark Zuckerberg
That's comforting.
Gage
Do you think I deserve your full attention?
Mark Zuckerberg
Mark Zuckerberg: I had to swear an oath before we began this deposition, and I don't want to perjure myself, so I have a legal obligation to say no.
Mark Zuckerberg
I had to swear an oath before we began this deposition, and I don't want to perjure myself, so I have a legal obligation to say no.
Gage
Gage: Okay - no. You don't think I deserve your attention.
Gage
Okay - no. You don't think I deserve your attention.
Mark Zuckerberg
Mark Zuckerberg: I think if your clients want to sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have the right to give it a try - but there's no requirement that I enjoy sitting here listening to people lie. You have part of my attention - you have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the offices of Facebook, where my colleagues and I are doing things that no one in this room, including and especially your clients, are intellectually or creatively capable of doing. [pauses] Did I adequately answer your condescending question?
Mark Zuckerberg
I think if your clients want to sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have the right to give it a try - but there's no requirement that I enjoy sitting here listening to people lie. You have part of my attention - you have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the offices of Facebook, where my colleagues and I are doing things that no one in this room, including and especially your clients, are intellectually or creatively capable of doing. [pauses] Did I adequately answer your condescending question?
Columbus
Oh, America. I wish I could tell you that this was still America, but I've come to realize that you can't have a country without people. And there are no people here. No, my friends. This is now the United States of Zombieland.
Nick
What is this?
Roger
Rum and coke. I told him to mix it weak. We got a long way to go here.
Nick
Okay. I don't drink.
Roger
You kidding me? Take a drink.
Nick
I don't put alcohol into my body.
Roger
You drink that drink.
Jewel
[running with chain on Her and Blu's ankle] OH this is just GREAT I'm chained to the ONLY bird in the world who CAN'T fly
Blu
[offended] Not true! There are many different types of species.
Jewel
[noticing an obstacle] Duck!
Blu
No, ducks can fly
Jewel
NO! DUCK! [they duck down]
Columbus
oh america i wish i could tell you this is still america but ive come to realize that you cant have a country without people and there are no people here no my friends this is now the united states of zombieland
Columbus
I wish I could tell you that this was still America, but I've come to realize that you can't have a country without people. And there are no people here. No, my friends. This is now the United States of Zombieland.
Erica Albright
I'm sorry you are not sufficiently impressed with my education.
Mark Zuckerberg
And I'm sorry I don't have a rowboat, so I guess we're even.
Columbus
Can't we all drive down the road playing I - Spy or something like 4 normal americans?! Geez! Fuck me!
Columbus
I avoided people like they were zombies before they were all zombies. Now that they are all zombies... I kinda miss people.
Linda
Wow! You really are communicating!
Tulio
Yes! I spoke to him by shaking my tail feathers, thus referring to his dominance.
Blu
....I did not get that at all...
Eduardo Saverin
Who are you going to send that to?
Mark Zuckerberg
Ah, just a couple of people. The question, is who are they going to send it to.
Columbus
Rule #2 The Double tap.
Columbus
Rule #2 The double tap.
Columbus
Remember mad cow disease? Well mad cow became mad person became mad zombie.
Columbus
Thank you Wichita, thanks Little Rock.
Tallahassee
[takes gun from Little Rock and points it at her]
Witchita
[stops car and points gun at Tallahassee]
Tallahassee
[points gun at Wichita]
Columbus
Oh, for fuck's sake, enough already! We're being chased by ravenous freaks, we don't have enough problems?! "They stole my Hummer. We have trust issues." We can't just fucking drive down the road playing I SPY or some shit like four normal-ass Americans?! Fuck me!!
Tallahassee
Whoa.....
Columbus
I know.
Nick
Hotlanta? You know I know a little bit about it from rap music, and uh...it sounds like a fucked up place.
Gage
Do you think I deserve your full attention?
Mark Zuckerberg
I had to swear an oath before we began this deposition, and I don't want to perjure myself, so I have a legal obligation to say no.
Gage
Okay - no. You don't think I deserve your attention.
Mark Zuckerberg
I think if your clients want to sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have the right to give it a try - but there's no requirement that I enjoy sitting here listening to people lie. You have part of my attention - you have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the offices of Facebook, where my colleagues and I are doing things that no one in this room, including and especially your clients, are intellectually or creatively capable of doing. [pauses] Did I adequately answer your condescending question?
Ad Board Chairwoman
Before we begin with our questioning you're allowed to make a statement, would you like to do so?
Mark Zuckerberg
I've, You know, I've already apologize to the Crimson, to the ABHW...To Fuerza Latina, and to any women in Harvard may have been insulted as I take it that they were As for any charges stemming from the breach from the security,I believe I deserve some recognition from this board.
Mark Zuckerberg
I've, You know, I've already apologize to the Crimson, to the ABHW... To Fuerza Latina, and to any women in Harvard may have been insulted as I take it that they were As for any charges stemming from the breach from the security,I believe I deserve some recognition from this board.
Ad Board Chairwoman
I'm sorry?
Mark Zuckerberg
Yes.
Blu
Not cool man... Scary but not cool... Hey are you okay?
Jewel
No... I am definitely not okay! (Begins slamming sides of the cage)
Jewel
No... I am definitely not okay! [begins slamming sides of the cage]
Blu
Whoa whoa whoa wait wait, what are you doing?
Jewel
Getting out of here!
Blu
Whoa
Blu
Whoa.
Jewel
Are you gonna help me or what?
Blu
A-a-actually, all the survival guides say to sit and wait, Ow an-and help will come. (I am unsure about this part but I think it is cross referencing from Zombieland, which Jesse Eisenberg acted in. I thought this part was funny hearing it in this movie because he mentioned the same thing in Zombieland.)
Blu
A-a-actually, all the survival guides say to sit and wait, Ow an-and help will come.
Jewel
No one is coming, we're on our own and if we just sit here we are going to die...
Armando
Yes, yes, yes (in unison with Tipa) Noooooo! (As Nigel turns off the tv)
Armando
Yes, yes, yes [in unison with Tipa] Noooooo! [as Nigel turns off the TV]
Mark Zuckerberg
I need to do something substantial & getting attention of the clubs.!
Mark Zuckerberg
I need to do something substantial & getting attention of the clubs!
Erica Albright
Why?
Mark Zuckerberg
Because there is exclusive, fun & too better life.
Mark Zuckerberg
Taking entire social experience of college & putting in online...
Mark Zuckerberg
I'm talking about taking the entire social experience of college and putting it online.
Nick
You're twins, did you feel it when I was fucking her?
Mark Zuckerberg
I went to my friend for the money because that's who I wanted to be partners with. Eduardo was the president of the Harvard Investors Association, and he was also my best friend.
Gage
Your best friend is suing you for six hundred million dollars.
Mark Zuckerberg
[Sarcastically] I didn't know that, tell me more.
Mark Zuckerberg
[sarcastically] I didn't know that, tell me more.
Mark Zuckerberg
If we could just go somewhere for a moment
Mark Zuckerberg
If we could just go somewhere for a moment.
Erica Albright
I don't want to be rude to my friends.
Mark Zuckerberg
Okay.
Erica Albright
Okay [pauses for a moment] Good luck with your video-game.
Erica Albright
You called me a bitch on the Internet, Mark.
Mark Zuckerberg
That's why I wanted to talk to you.
Erica Albright
On the Internet.
Mark Zuckerberg
That's why I came over.
Erica Albright
Comparing women to farm animals.
Mark Zuckerberg
I didn't end up doing that.
Mark Zuckerberg
(On Blog) I'm a little intoxicated, I'm not gonna lie. So what if it's not even 10pm and it's a tuesday night.
Mark Zuckerberg
[on Blog] I'm a little intoxicated, I'm not gonna lie. So what if it's not even 10pm and it's a tuesday night.
Mark Zuckerberg
You know you really don’t need a forensic team to get to the bottom of this. If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you’d have invented Facebook.
Mark Zuckerberg
You know you really don't need a forensic team to get to the bottom of this. If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you'd have invented Facebook.
Mark Zuckerberg
I think if your clients wanna sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have a right to give it a try, but there's no requirement that I enjoy sitting here listening people lie.
Bob
I'm Bob.
Mark Zuckerberg
How are you doing?
Bob
You know, I could swear he was looking at you when he said that the next Bill Gates could be right in this room.
Mark Zuckerberg
I doubt it.
Bob
And I showed up late. I don't even know who the speaker was.
Mark Zuckerberg
It was Bill Gates.
Em Lewin
What the hell was that?
James Brennan
It's just my life.
Gretchen
18,000 dollars?
Eduardo Saverin
Yes.
Gretchen
In addition to the $1,000 you'd already put up?
Gretchen
A total of $19,000 now?
Mark Zuckerberg
Hang on. [Mark sarcastically adds up the 2 amounts on his notepad] I'm just checking your math on that. Yes, I got the same thing.
Blu
What kind of doctor are you?!
Blu
What kind of doctor are you?
Blu
Ah, this is the life. The perfect marshmallow-de-cocoa ratio. One, two, three, four, five...six!
Blu
[Linda places his hot chocolate in front of him] Ah! This is the life. The perfect marshmallow-to-cocoa ratio. [counting the marshmallows]
Blu
One, two, three, four, five [another marshmallow floats to the surface] six. Mmm.
Blu
Okay, pull it together. The key is not to panic.
Jewel
I'm not panicking.
Blu
I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to me.
Luiz
Yeah, baby! Now I could get my freak on!
Blu
Luiz, please! Rescue first, freak later!
Blu
Uh Jewel....I....I..
Blu
Uh Jewel... I... I...
Jewel
How sweet your choking up. Oh your choking!!
Jewel
Oh! Oh! You're choking! Uh, okay!
Columbus
Let me begin my three-part apology by saying you're a wonderful human being.
Columbus
Forget about it. But FYI, I have beat wholesale ass for a whole lot less than that.
Tallahassee
Forget about it. But FYI, I have beat wholesale ass for a whole lot less than that.
Columbus
You are like a giant cock-blocking robot, like, developed in a secret fucking government lab.
Columbus
[to Tallahassee] You are like a giant cock-blocking robot, like, developed in a secret fucking government lab.
Witchita
You know between you, me and What About Bob?... You're actually kinda cute.
Witchita
You know between you, me and What About Bob? You're actually kinda cute.
Columbus
You think so?
Witchita
Yeah. I mean you got the guts of a guppy, but I could hit that.
Witchita
Yeah. I mean you got the guts of a guppy, but I could hit that.
Columbus
Really?
Witchita
Or at least give you the intentional walk to first.
Jewel
I guess I thought maybe...
Jewel
I... I... I guess I thought maybe...
Blu
What? That you'd come to Minesotta? Great, I guess I'll knit you a scraf.
Blu
What? That you... you'd come to Minnesota? [Jewel just looks at him]
Blu
Great! I guess I... I'll knit you a scarf.
Raphael
It's a party, huh?
Raphael
Some party huh?
Blu
This is the coolest place I've ever seen! Despite all of the obvious health code violations!
Blu
This is the coolest place I've ever seen. Despite all the obvous health code violations.
Blu
[dodges bike] Hey! Last of the species here!
Mark Zuckerberg
If you had invented Facebook, you would have invented Facebook.
Mark Zuckerberg
If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you'd have invented Facebook.
Chet
Hey, what the hell? You were just sitting here the whole time?
Nick
I caught the whole show. Really classy move at the end by the way. You put your tongue in her mouth right after you fucked it?
Chet
Woman is kind enough, to provide me with fellatio services, I'm not just gonna dart out of there, I'm a gentlemen.
Nick
Have a beer. The alcohol should wash the taste of yourself out of your mouth.
Blu
[makes barking noises] See? I'm bilingual too!