Jude Law

Jude Law

  • Highest Rated: 95% Spy (2015)
  • Lowest Rated: 12% All The King's Men (2006)
  • Birthday: Dec 29, 1972
  • Birthplace: Lewisham, London, England, UK
  • Although he first appeared as just one of the latest crop of golden-skinned English imports to caress the hormones of American filmgoers, Jude Law is steadily proving that his talents lie beyond his ability to smolder seductively in front of the camera. Since 1995, when Law made the transition from British soap opera to Broadway via Sean Mathias' Indiscretions (in which he co-starred with Kathleen Turner), his work has increasingly garnered favorable notice from critics and moviegoers alike.Born in London on December 29, 1972, Law started acting as a teenager. Before Indiscretions, his most notable role was in Shopping (1994), a British production that gave him both initial recognition and an introduction to his future wife, actress Sadie Frost (the couple has two children). After the critical and commercial success of Indiscretions, Law began finding more work in film, starring as Claire Danes' boyfriend in I Love You, I Love You Not (1997) and as the genetically privileged man who sells his identity to Ethan Hawke in Gattaca (1997). Also in 1997, Law took on the plum role of Alfred Lord Douglas (or Bosie), Oscar Wilde's volatile lover in Wilde. Although none of these films received unanimously positive critical (or box-office) attention, they did help to further establish Law as an actor to be taken seriously. Law followed them with a small part in Bent (1997) and the more pivotal role of Billy, Jim Williams' hotheaded and ill-fated lover in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (1997). Following that film, Law went on to make a few smaller films, including Music From Another Room (also starring a still unknown Gretchen Mol) and The Final Cut, in which he played a sinister, deceased version of himself.In 1999, Law appeared in David Cronenberg's cyberific eXistenZ and completed filming Anthony Minghella's The Talented Mr. Ripley alongside Gwyneth Paltrow, Matt Damon, and Cate Blanchett. The film earned widespread acclaim upon its release, much of which was lavished on Law's portrayal of the serially charming and devastatingly superficial Dickie Greenleaf. Law garnered both a Golden Globe and Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor for his performance, further cementing his reputation as one of the more promising up-and-coming actors on either side of the ocean.After a turn as a Russian marksman facing off against a Nazi sniper in Enemy at the Gates (2001), Law returned to sci-fi with his role as love machine Gigolo Joe in Steven Spielberg's eagerly anticipated A.I.In addition to his acting commitments, Law kept busy with Natural Nylon, the production company he founded with Sadie Frost, Sean Pertwee, Ewan McGregor, and Jonny Lee Miller. In 2002, Law starred alongside film veterans Tom Hanks and Paul Newman in the multiple Oscar-winning Road to Perdition and was on the path to an Oscar once again for his performance in Cold Mountain (2003) with Nicole Kidman and Renée Zellweger, who took home the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress. After appearing in only two films in as many years, Law was virtually unavoidable in the last third of 2004, with substantial roles in a grand total of six films. First up, he played the title role in the blue-screened sci-fi action flick Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, starring alongside the likes of Gwyneth Paltrow, Angelina Jolie, and a "resurrected" Laurence Olivier. A month later, he could be found starring in the remake of Alfie as well as in the ensemble cast of David O. Russell's comedy I Heart Huckabees. And before the close of the year, audiences could catch him in Mike Nichols' romantic drama Closer, as Errol Flynn in Martin Scorsese's Howard Hughes biopic The Aviator, and providing the voice of the title character in the big-screen adaptation of Lemony Snicket's a Series of Unfortunate Events. Produced on an elephantine, effects-heavy budget by the wunderkind, billon-dollar powerhouse Scott Rudin (The Firm, Sister Act) and starring Jim Carrey, the film opened in December 2004

Photos

Highest Rated Movies

Filmography

Movies

Rating

Title

Credit

Box
Office

Year

No Score Yet The Rhythm Section Actor 2020
78% Captain Marvel Yon-Rogg 2019
67% A Rainy Day in New York Actor 2019
61% Vox Lux The Manager 2018
37% Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald Albus Dumbledore 2018
No Score Yet Fantastiska Vidunder: Grindelwalds brott Actor 2018
30% King Arthur: Legend Of The Sword Vortigern $39.1M 2017
53% Genius Thomas Wolfe $1.4M 2016
95% Spy Bradley Fine $90M 2015
80% Black Sea Robinson 2015
56% Dom Hemingway Dom Hemingway $0.4M 2014
91% The Grand Budapest Hotel Young Writer $57M 2014
83% Side Effects Dr. Jonathan Banks $32.2M 2013
74% Rise of the Guardians Pitch $98.9M 2012
63% Anna Karenina Karenin $12.9M 2012
20% 360 Michael Daly $49.8K 2012
71% Radioman Actor 2012
60% Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows Dr. John Watson $186.9M 2011
93% Hugo Hugo's Father $73.9M 2011
84% Contagion Alan Krumwiede $75.7M 2011
No Score Yet Beyond Time-William Turnbull Narrator 2011
22% Repo Men Remy $13.2M 2010
69% Sherlock Holmes Dr. John Watson $208.8M 2009
64% The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus Imaginarium Tony #2 $7.6M 2009
29% Rage Minx 2009
No Score Yet King Conqueror Actor 2009
No Score Yet The Day After Peace Actor 2008
36% Sleuth Milo Tindle Producer $0.3M 2007
46% My Blueberry Nights Jeremy $0.8M 2007
34% Breaking and Entering Will Francis $0.9M 2007
49% The Holiday Graham $63.3M 2006
12% All The King's Men Jack Burden $7.3M 2006
72% Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events Lemony Snicket $118.5M 2004
86% The Aviator Errol Flynn $102.6M 2004
68% Closer Dan $34M 2004
48% Alfie Alfie $13.4M 2004
63% I Heart Huckabees Brad Stand $12.8M 2004
71% Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow Producer Sky Captain $37.7M 2004
70% Cold Mountain Inman 2003
80% Road to Perdition Maguire $104.1M 2002
74% A.I. Artificial Intelligence Gigolo Joe 2001
54% Enemy at the Gates Zaitsev $50.6M 2001
25% Love, Honour and Obey Jude 2001
No Score Yet Immortality Actor 2000
47% Immortality Steven 2000
83% The Talented Mr. Ripley Dickie Greenleaf 1999
No Score Yet Tube Tales Director 1999
74% Existenz Ted Pikul 1999
No Score Yet Final Cut Actor 1998
71% Wilde Lord Alfred Douglas 1998
33% Music From Another Room Danny 1997
73% Bent Stormtrooper 1997
49% Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil Billy Hanson 1997
40% I Love You, I Love You Not Ethan 1997
83% Gattaca Jerome/Eugene 1997
No Score Yet Shopping Billy 1996
No Score Yet Tailor of Gloucester Actor 1989
No Score Yet A Bird in Hand Director

TV

Rating

Title

Credit

Year

No Score Yet The New Pope
2020
Pope Pius XIII
  • 2020
  • 2019
No Score Yet The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
2014
Guest
  • 2019
  • 2016
  • 2015
  • 2014
No Score Yet The Late Late Show With James Corden
2015
Guest
  • 2018
77% Neo Yokio
2017-2018
Voice Charles
  • 2018
  • 2017
No Score Yet The Late Show With Stephen Colbert
2015
Guest
  • 2018
  • 2017
  • 2016
No Score Yet The Graham Norton Show
2007
Guest
  • 2018
  • 2016
  • 2015
  • 2014
  • 2013
  • 2011
No Score Yet CBS This Morning
2012
Guest
  • 2017
No Score Yet Late Night With Seth Meyers
2014
Guest
  • 2017
78% The Young Pope
2017
Lenny Belardo/Pope Pius XIII
  • 2017
No Score Yet Shakespeare Uncovered
2013-2018
Appearing
  • 2013
No Score Yet Jimmy Kimmel Live
2003
Guest
  • 2013
  • 2012
No Score Yet Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
2009-2014
Guest
  • 2013
  • 2009
No Score Yet Late Show With David Letterman
1993-2015
Guest
  • 2011
No Score Yet Saturday Night Live
1975
Performer Host
  • 2010
  • 2004
No Score Yet The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
1999-2015
Guest
  • 2010
  • 2004
No Score Yet The Ellen DeGeneres Show
2003
Guest
  • 2006
No Score Yet The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
1992-2014
Guest
  • 2006
  • 2004

QUOTES FROM Jude Law CHARACTERS

Pitch
My nightmares are ready, are your Guardians?
Dr. John Watson
Wear a jacket.
Sherlock Holmes
You wear a jacket.
Dawn Campbell
You can't deal with my infinite nature, can you...
Dawn Campbell
You can't deal with my infinite nature, can you.
Brad Stand
That's so note true! ... Wait what does that even mean!
Brad Stand
That's so note true! Wait what does that even mean!
Bradley Fine
Who's the finest of them all?
Susan Cooper
You are! Oh Bradley you so fine, you so fine you blow my mind, hey Bradley!
Aleksei Karenin
Sin has a price, you can be sure of that!
Ruby Thewes
Have you been shot?
Inman
Not lately.
Inman
She's the place I'm headin'. But I hardly know her. I just can't seem to get back to her.
Inman
I came back for you.
Lemony Snicket
The film that you are about to see it is extremely unpleasant.
Dr. Jonathan Banks
Depression is an inability to construct a future
Dr. Jonathan Banks
Depression is an inability to construct a future.
Dr. Jonathan Banks
The drug , basically it helps stop the brain from telling you that you are sad .
Dr. Jonathan Banks
The drug , basically it helps stop the brain from telling you that you are sad.
Dr. Jonathan Banks
The drug, basically it helps stop the brain from telling you that you are sad.
Inman
I ain't gettin' shot again for some cause I don't believe in.
Jack Burden
To find somethin', anything, a great truth or a lost pair of glasses, you must first believe there would be some advantage in findin' it. I found somethin' a long time ago, and have held on to it for grim death ever since. I owe my success in life to it; it put me where I am today. This principle: what you don't know, won't hurt you. They called it idealism in a book I read.
Jack Burden
You only get a couple of moments that determine your life. Sometimes only one. And then it's gone forever.
Polly Perkins
You mean you knew this the whole time and you let me think we were going to crash? I thought we were gonna die! You should have said something!
Joe "Sky Captain" Sullivan
Look, Polly, it was your idea to tag along, not mine. If you can't take it, that's not my fault.
Dr. Totenkopf
Who dares come before me? Who dares enter this place? What has begun cannot be stopped. The time for this world is over.
Polly Perkins
Totenkopf.
Joe "Sky Captain" Sullivan
Hello, doctor. Why are you doing this
Dr. Totenkopf
I have been witness to a world consumed by hatred and bent on self-destruction, watched as we have taken what was to be a paradise and failed in our responsibilites as its steward. I know now that the course of human race has set for itself cannot be changed. I am the last desperate chance for a doomed planet. Now, leave this place or die!
Polly Perkins
Joe, I wanna ask you something and I want you to tell me the truth. I don't care one way or the other, I swear. I just need to know. The girl in Nanjing was Franky, wasn't it?
Joe "Sky Captain" Sullivan
Polly...
Polly Perkins
How long were you seeing her?
Joe "Sky Captain" Sullivan
Look me in the eyes. I never fooled around on you. Never.
Polly Perkins
I sabotaged your plane.
Joe "Sky Captain" Sullivan
Three months.
Joe "Sky Captain" Sullivan
This is Sky Captain. I'm on my way.
Polly Perkins
You mean you knew this the whole time and you let me think we were going to crash? I thought we were gonna die! You should have said something!
Joe "Sky Captain" Sullivan
Look, Polly, it was your idea to tag along, not mine. If you can't take it, that's not my fault.
Joe "Sky Captain" Sullivan
It's a dead end. Some short cut!
Polly Perkins
That's... not supposed to be there.
Polly Perkins
[after Joe wouldn't let her go back to get her case of film that was in cave that was about to explode] You should've let me go back for my film.
Polly Perkins
You should've let me go back for my film.
Joe "Sky Captain" Sullivan
You're right, I should've.
Dex Dearborn
I thought you said this thing was big? Can I have it?
Joe "Sky Captain" Sullivan
You find out where it came from and I'll buy you one for Christmas.
Dierdre Banks
Oh, the advantages of having a husband who can write prescriptions. What are they called again?
Dr. Jonathan Banks
It's beta blocker.
Dierdre Banks
Hmm...is it bad that I'm doing this?
Dr. Jonathan Banks
Everyone takes them. Lawyers, musicians. People going to interviews for big jobs..It doesn't make you anything you're not, it just makes it easier for you to be who you are.
Pitch
You can’t get rid of me! Not forever! There will always be fear.
Pitch
You can't get rid of me! Not forever! There will always be fear.
Dierdre Banks
Did the person do it? Are they guilty?
Dr. Jonathan Banks
In this case, those are two very different things.
Gigolo Joe
They hate us, you know... The humans. They'll stop at nothing.
Gigolo Joe
They hate us, you know. The humans. They'll stop at nothing.
Gigolo Joe
I am...I was
Gigolo Joe
I am.I was
Gigolo Joe
I am. I was.
Gigolo Joe
In this day and age, David, nothing costs more than information.
Steven Grlscz
Everything hidden is theft.
Steven Grlscz
Difficult, isn't it, doing the right thing?
Steven Grlscz
I'm doing research on how extreme emotional staes can cause the body to form crystals.
Steven Grlscz
Have you noted with Chinese restaurants, the better the food, the more bad tempered the waiters.
Steven Grlscz
When I was a boy, I went into the woods alone to climb the tallest tree. Almost a the top, I slipped and fell. I managed, just, to grab a branch. It was a long drop. I hung there until my head began to burst. My arms began to feel like they were being torn from my body. I can feel it now--the blood pounding in my ears, the terrible pain, and the dread of falling.
Madam Simza Heron
A wagon is too slow. Can't you ride?
Dr. John Watson
It's not that he can't ride. How is it that you put it, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes
(Horses) They're dangerous at both ends and crafty in the middle. Why would I want anything with a mind of its own bobbing about between my legs?
Sherlock Holmes
[horses] They're dangerous at both ends and crafty in the middle. Why would I want anything with a mind of its own bobbing about between my legs?
Jack Frost
*wispers* What did you do?
Jack Frost
[whispers] What did you do?
Pitch
The question is Jack...What did YOU do?
Pitch
The question is Jack... What did YOU do?
Pitch
What goes better together than cold and darkness? We could bring fear back into the world! It would be-
Jack Frost
Pitch Black?
Pitch
...And Jack frost.
Dan
When I get back, please tell me the truth.
Alice
Why?
Dan
Because I'm addicted to it. Because without it, we're animals. Trust me.
Pitch
That dream is over! It is time for fear to rule the world!
Remy
Who do you think he's gonna send after me?
Jake
Maybe me.
Sherlock Holmes
Lie down with me, Watson.
Dr. John Watson
Why?!
Sherlock Holmes
I insist.
Dr. John Watson
You... What are we doing down here?
Sherlock Holmes
We are waiting. I am smoking.
Sherlock Holmes
You've never complained about my methods before.
Dr. Watson
I'm not complaining.
Sherlock Holmes
You're not? What are you right now?
Dr. Watson
How am I complaining? I never complain. When do I complain about practicing your violin at three in the morning? Or your mess, your general lack of hygiene or the fact that you steal my clothes? When do I complain about you setting fire to my rooms?
Sherlock Holmes
Our rooms.
Dr. Watson
The rooms! When do I complain about you performing experiments on my dog?
Aleksei Karenin
ALEKSEI:I love you! ANNA: why? ALEKSEI:You cant ask why, about love.
Aleksei Karenin
I love you!
Alexander Vronsky
I love you!
Anna Karenina
Why?
Aleksei Karenin
You cant ask why, about love.
Alexander Vronsky
You can't ask why, about love.
Alice
I don't love you anymore.
Dan
Since when?
Alice
Now. Just now. I don't wanna lie but I can't tell the truth so...it's over.
Alice
Dan, can I still see you? Answer me!
Dan
I can't see you. If I see you I'll never leave.
Anna
Love bores you.
Dan
No, it disappoints me.
Dan
What's so great about the truth? Try lying for a change, it's the currency of the world.
Dr. John Watson
What are we doing down here?!
Sherlock Holmes
[extremely hasted] We are waiting... I... am... smoking.
Ruby Thewes
Have you been shot?
Inman
Not lately.
Reverend Veasey
Hey! Look at this! This is a good saw.
Inman
It's not yours. You take it, you make us another enemy. You are a Christian- don't you know your commandments?
Reverend Veasey
You'll find the good Lord very flexible on the subject of property. We could do a lot with this saw...
Michael Daly
I make you happy right? I make you feel good.
Pitch
You can not kill fear, Jack.
Jack Frost
I'm not afraid of you.
Pitch
What an adorable dream. What' more powerful. It's fear..
Dr. John Watson
You seem to be-
Sherlock Holmes
Excited?
Dr. John Watson
Manic. Verging on-
Sherlock Holmes
Ecstatic?
Dr. John Watson
Psychotic. I should have brought you a sedative.
Sherlock Holmes
Why are you here!
Dr. John Watson
I'm getting married? Tomorrow?
Sherlock Holmes
Oh! Embrace me!
Sherlock Holmes
Why are you here!
Dr. John Watson
I'm getting married? Tomorrow?
Sherlock Holmes
Oh! Embrace me!
Dr. John Watson
You're drinking embalming fluid.
Sherlock Holmes
Yes! Care for a drop?
Dr. John Watson
Your hedge needs trimming.
Dr. Watson
What are we doing down here?
Sherlock Holmes
We are waiting..and i am smoking.
Sherlock Holmes
*We* are waiting. *I* am smoking.
Anna
I don't kiss strange men
Dan
Neither do I.
Katya
Sometimes, even if you have the keys those doors still can't be opened. Can they?
Jeremy
Even if the door is open, the person you're looking for may not be there, Katya.
Jeremy
A few years ago, I had a dream. It began in the summer and was over by the following spring. In between, there were as many unhappy nights as there were happy days. Most of them took place in this café. And then one night, a door slammed and the dream was over.
Dr. Watson
4 feet tall, no front teeth, and a beard. He's a ginger dwarf.
Sherlock Holmes
Midget. You must have concern for those of challenged stature. He's a ginger midget.
Sherlock Holmes
Stop complaining.
Dr. Watson
Complaining! How am I complaining? I'm not complaining! I never complain! I don't complain that you practice your violin at three in the morning, that you make a mess of my rooms -
Sherlock Holmes
Our rooms.
Dr. Watson
Our rooms then, I don't complain that you steal my clothes -
Sherlock Holmes
Uh, we have a barter system.
Dr. Watson
I don't even complain that you kill my dog!
Sherlock Holmes
Our dog. Gladstone is our dog.
Dr. Watson
But what I do take issue with is you trying to sabotage my relationship with Mary!
Sherlock Holmes
Don Giovanni is showing at the theatre. I could easily procure two tickets if you were interested in taking someone.
Dr. Watson
[punches him] I knew she had been engaged! She'd told me.
Sherlock Holmes
That would be a no to the theatre then.
Sherlock Holmes
Don Giavonni is playing at the theatre. I could easily procure two tickets if you had anyone interested in going.
Dr. Watson
[punches him] I knew she had been engaged. She'd told me.
Sherlock Holmes
That would be a no to the theatre then.
Madam Simza Heron
Can't you ride?
Dr. John Watson
It's not that he can't ride.How is it you put it holmes?
Sherlock Holmes
They're dangerous at both ends and crafty in the middle. Why would I want anything with a mind of its own bobbing about between my legs?
Sherlock Holmes
We are patiently waiting.
Dr. John Watson
For what?
Sherlock Holmes
Your window of opportunity. Make it count.
Remy
At the end, a job is not just a job, is who you are, and if wanna change who you are, you have to change what you do...
Dan
Everybody wants to be happy.
Larry
Depressives don't. They want to be unhappy to confirm they're depressed. If they were happy they couldn't be depressed anymore. They'd have to go out into the world and live. Which can be depressing.
Hugo Cabret
"Can we fix it?"
Hugo Cabret
Can we fix it?
Hugo's Father
"Well it would be incredibly hard. Of course we can fix it."
Hugo's Father
Well it would be incredibly hard. Of course we can fix it.
Dr. Watson
Let's see then. A Mrs. Ramsey from Hyde Park. Her husband's disappeared.
Sherlock Holmes
He's in Belgium with the scullery maid. Is it November?
Dr. Watson
Yes, Holmes. Lady Radford reports, ooh, her emerald bracelet has disappeared.
Sherlock Holmes
Insurance swindle. Lord Radford likes fast women and slow ponies.
Dr. John Watson
Holmes, wake up.
Sherlock Holmes
Brace yourself, we're about to be violated.
Dr. John Watson
[reading note left by Holmes] "Come at once, if convenient. If inconvenient, come all the same."
Dr. John Watson
[reading note left by Holmes] 'Come at once, if convenient. If inconvenient, come all the same.'
Mary Watson
I miss him too, you know, in my own way. It's going to be a beautiful week in Brighton.
Dr. John Watson
He would have wanted us to go.
Mary Watson
He would have wanted to come along.
Dr. John Watson
I know you can hear me, you selfish bastard. [performs CPR on Holmes] I know you can hear me you bastard! [Watson is dragged from body by Sim, and thinks of something] His wedding gift.
Sherlock Holmes
[injected with fluid from the adrenal glands of sheep, runs into the wall of the box car] Watson, I just had the most peculiar dream. You and Mary and Gladstone and I were at a restaurant. There was a satanic pony. It had a fork in its hoove and it was laughing at me! What have you administered?
Dr. John Watson
Your wedding present.
Sherlock Holmes
Elizabeth dancing on my chest!
Dr. John Watson
Me.
Dr. John Watson
You're drinking embalming fluid.
Sherlock Holmes
Yes. Care for a drop?
Dr. John Watson
You do seem a bit...
Sherlock Holmes
Happy?
Dr. John Watson
Manic. Verging on...
Sherlock Holmes
Ecstatic.
Dr. John Watson
Psychotic.
Dr. John Watson
Tell me, when was the last time you had a hedgehog goulash?
Sherlock Holmes
Well, I just told you Watson I can't remember.
Dr. John Watson
Well, maybe you've repressed it.
Sherlock Holmes
Ah, that's where you're wrong. You see, unlike you, I repress nothing.
Dr. John Watson
Ah yes, and that's perfectly normal.
Sherlock Holmes
How dare you be rude to this woman who has invited us into her tent, offered us her hedgehog?
Irene Adler
Says the man who throws women from trains.
Dr. John Watson
Holmes, how many times are you going to kill my dog?
Dr. John Watson
Holmes, how did you know I'd find you?
Sherlock Holmes
You didn't find me, you collapsed a building on me!
Sherlock Holmes
Lie down with me, Watson.
Dr. John Watson
Why?
Sherlock Holmes
I insist.
Dr. John Watson
What are we doing down here?
Sherlock Holmes
We are waiting. I am smoking. [automatic gunfire tears through the train compartment] Patiently waiting!
Dr. John Watson
For what?!
Sherlock Holmes
Your window of opportunity. Make it count!
Sherlock Holmes
You know my methods.
Dr. John Watson
And I know where you'll be.
Sherlock Holmes
No other outcome could be more appealing to me than this. By the way, who taught you how to dance?
Dr. John Watson
You did.
Sherlock Holmes
Well, I've done a rather good job of it.
Dr. John Watson
May I deduce that you, Mycroft-- nice to meet you, by the way [holds out hand].
Mycroft Holmes
No!
Sherlock Holmes
He doesn't.
Dr. John Watson
May I deduce that you, who never strays from the path between your home and the Diogenes' Club, and never on a Monday when they serve your favorite potted shrimps must be here for some far more important reason than my stag party?
Mycroft Holmes
You know, he's nothing like as slow-witted as you've led me to believe, Shirly.
Sherlock Holmes
Annihilation!
Dr. John Watson
Rebirth.
Sherlock Holmes
Restriction!
Dr. John Watson
Structure.
Sherlock Holmes
Answering to a woman!
Dr. John Watson
Being in a relationship. Having a home, the possibility of a family. Who wants to die alone?
Sherlock Holmes
Right, so you'll get married tomorrow, settle down with Mary and I'll... die alone.
Mrs. Hudson
[turning to Dr. John Watson] Doctor, you must get him to a sanitorium! For the past month, he's taken nothing but coffee, tobacco, and cocoa leaves. He never sleeps! I hear multiple voices, as if he's rehearsing a play.
Sherlock Holmes
Don't you have a goat that needs worming?
Mrs. Hudson
Ah, yes. Such fun. What would I do without you?
Sherlock Holmes
Why are you here?
Dr. John Watson
I'm getting married. Tomorrow.
Sherlock Holmes
Ah! Embrace me!
Sim
[showing Holmes and Watson their horses, to Watson] The black one is yours. The grey one is mine. [to Holmes] And this is for you.
Sherlock Holmes
[clears his throat] Ah, hm, right! Where are the wagons?
Sim
The wagon is too slow. Can't you ride?
Dr. John Watson
It's not that he can't ride... How is it you put it, Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes
There’re dangerous at both ends and crafty in the middle. Why would I want anything with a mind of its own bobbing about between my legs? Then I should require a bicycle thank you very much. It’s 1891, could have chartered a balloon.
Dr. John Watson
[to Sim] How can we make this more manageable?
Sherlock Holmes
[a band of horses rides past, after a moment Holmes follows them riding a little pony] Slow and steady wins the race!
Dr. John Watson
[in the train, watching for attackers with his gun ready] How many were you expecting?
Sherlock Holmes
Half a dozen.
Dr. John Watson
Who are they?
Sherlock Holmes
A wedding present from Moriarty. [to Mary] Lovely ceremony by the way. Many a tear shed in joy.
Mary Watson
Oh John!
Dr. John Watson
[shoots] Yes, just a minute, darling!
Sherlock Holmes
Do you trust me?
Mary Watson
No!
Sherlock Holmes
Well then I should have to... do something about that. [pushes Mary out of the train and she lands in a river]
Dr. John Watson
[shooting] Who's up to bat next, you bastards?
Sherlock Holmes
John, do shut the door. [Watson does it, looks around, and realises that Mary is gone] It had to be done! [Watson runs to the other door and looks out] She’s safe now! In my own defence [Watson attacks him] I timed it perfectly!
Dr. John Watson
[in the train] Come in! [the door to the compartment opens and a man with a champagne bottle comes in]
Mary Watson
Oh, yes, please!
Dr. John Watson
We didn't order that.
Train Conductor
With our compliments, sir.
Dr. John Watson
Thank you. Put it there. [the man comes in and closes the door behind himself, he attacks Watson with a knife, but he can ward him off]
Mary Watson
[puts a gun against the man's head and Watson opens the door that leads out of the train] I think it's time for you to leave!
Dr. John Watson
[throws the man out of the train; to Mary] Sit down! [opens the door and looks out; a couple of soldiers come towards their compartment, but suddenly a strange woman comes out and attacks them, when she comes towards Watson, she is revealed to be in fact Sherlock Holmes in disguise]
Sherlock Holmes
I agree, it's not my best disguise, but I had to make do!
Dr. John Watson
I'm not going out with you dressed like that.
Sherlock Holmes
Would you prefer it if I joined you in the fashion faux pas wearing fine military dress with that heinous handmade scarf? Clearly an early attempt of your fiancé.
Dr. John Watson
Oh, how I've missed you, Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes
Have you? Why, I've barely noticed your absence. Then again I'm knee-deep in research. Extracting fluids from the adrenal glands of sheep and designing my own urban camouflage. All the while verging on a decisive breakthrough in the single most important case of my career, perhaps of all time.
Dr. John Watson
[opens the door to Holmes' study, it is full with strange plants] Your hedge needs trimming.
Sherlock Holmes
out of sight, barely audible] Where am I?
Dr. John Watson
I don't care where you are. I'm not gonna play this game. I have to catch the last - [is struck by an arrow from behind, but it doesn't do him any harm; he turns, but can't see anything] - train.
Sherlock Holmes
[still out of sight] Oh, oh, that's you dead, I'm afraid.
Dr. John Watson
You win [sits down and looks around the room] I lose. [disappears behind a newspaper] Game over. [another arrow hits the newspaper, Watson puts it down again]
Sherlock Holmes
Still don't see me? [reveals himself to have been standing in front of a pillar and a bookshelf wearing some weird costume which allows him to blend in with that exact spot, laughs and steps into the middle of the room] Quel surprise. [takes of the hoods of his disguise]
Sherlock Holmes
[Mycroft emerges out from under an overhanging roof] Loitering in the woodshed again, are we, Myckie?
Mycroft Holmes
Good evening, Sherly. I see your boot maker is ill, dear brother.
Sherlock Holmes
I detect that you have recently changed the brand of soap with which you shave.
Mycroft Holmes
May I point out that the chimney in the front room at Baker Street is still in need of a damn good sweeping out?
Sherlock Holmes
Are you aware that the hackney carriage by which you arrived had a damaged wheel?
Mycroft Holmes
Yes, the left. And it's plain to the meanest intelligence that you have recently acquired a new bow for your violin.
Sherlock Holmes
Same bow, new strings.
Dr. John Watson
And may I deduce that you who rarely strays from the path that runs from your home to the Diogenes Club and never on a Monday where they serve your favourite potted shrimps must be here for some far more important reason than my stag party?
Mycroft Holmes
You know he’s nothing like as slow-witted as you’ve been leading me to believe, Sherly.
Sherlock Holmes
Has all my instruction been for naught? [pours] You still read the official statement and believe it. It's a game, dear man, a shadowy game. We're playing cat and mouse, the professor and I. Cloak and dagger.
Dr. John Watson
I thought it was spider and fly. [reads the label of the bottle Sherlock has been pouring from; it says Formaldehyde]
Sherlock Holmes
I'm not a fly, I'm a cat.
Dr. John Watson
Not a mouse, but a dagger. [Sherlock drinks] You’re drinking embalming fluid.
Sherlock Holmes
[exhales] Yess. Care for a drop?
Dr. Watson
How many times do you have to kill Gladatone?
Dr. John Watson
I'm on my honeymoon!
Dr. John Watson
[punching Holmes after Mary was thrown from the train, into the river] Did you just kill my new wife?
Sherlock Holmes
I timed it perfectly!
Marge Sherwood
Why is it when men play together, they always try to kill each other?
Dickie Greenleaf
(jokingly) He's drowning me!
Dickie Greenleaf
[jokingly] He's drowning me!
Sherlock Holmes
Lay down with me Watson
Sherlock Holmes
Lay down with me Watson.
Dr. Watson
What are we doing down here?
Sherlock Holmes
We are waiting. I am smoking.
Dr. Watson
"Holmes as always had a much different theory."
Dr. Watson
Holmes as always had a much different theory.
Dr. Watson
"Why must you always kill my dog."
Dr. Watson
Why must you always kill my dog.
Dr. John Watson
I know you can hear me, you selfish bastard!
Dr. Watson
[as he watches Sherlock drinking Formaldehyd] You're drinking embalming fluid?
Sherlock Holmes
[exhales] Yes. Care for a drop?
Dr. John Watson
You do seem...
Sherlock Holmes
Excited?
Dr. John Watson
Manic.
Sherlock Holmes
I am.
Dr. John Watson
Verging on...
Sherlock Holmes
Ecstatic?
Dr. John Watson
Psychotic. [pause] I should've brought you a sedative.